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Old 04-21-2010, 06:39 PM   #1
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Why Are So Many Girls Lesbian or Bisexual?

I was browsing PsychologyToday.com, and I came across this:

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Psychologist John Buss estimates that for most of human history, perhaps 2% of women have been lesbian or bisexual (see note 1, below). Not any more. Recent surveys of teenage girls and young women find that roughly 15% of young females today self-identify as lesbian or bisexual, compared with about 5% of young males who identify as gay or bisexual


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Is there any connection between these two trends - between the rise in the number of young women who self-identify as lesbian or bisexual, and the increasing normalization and acceptance of pornography in the lives of young men? Maybe there is. A young woman told me how her boyfriend several years ago suggested that she shave her pubic hair, so that she might more closely resemble the porn stars who were this young man's most consistent source of sexual arousal. She now identifies herself as bisexual. "It was just such a welcome change, to snuggle under a blanket on the couch with my girlfriend, watch a movie, and talk about God and death and growing old, to be intimate emotionally and spiritually as well as physically. I don't know a guy who could even comprehend the conversations we have."

I wish Constance McMillen and her girlfriend all the best. But I have to wonder: Are there so many girl-girl couples out there because that's truly who they are - or because the guys are such losers?
Why are so many girls lesbian or bisexual? | Psychology Today

I think the increasing number of women coming out at lesbian or bisexual may have to do with guys. Yes, it may be possible that these women are born like that, but why more women are alternative compared to men?

I have to admit I once flirted with the idea of bisexuality back in college. That was because so many guys at that age are such douches. They don't care about girls, they just want to get laid. That behavior even continues after college. A lot of guys are losers, treating women as property and sex objects. It did and still does turn me off from guys and you wonder what else is out there.

When a woman says she's fed up with men, she starts batting for the other team. When a guy says he's had it with women, he starts abusing them and very rarely becomes attracted to men.

So, is it really guys' fault that so many women are coming out as gay or bi? Or are male and female brains really so different from each other?

I'm hoping we could have a decent discussion on gender and sexuality.
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Old 04-21-2010, 06:54 PM   #2
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Just me personally-I don't think that any woman who is fed up with men for whatever reason (s) and turns to sexual relationships with women could ever truly be considered to be a lesbian or bisexual. Self-identifying as one doesn't really make it so, does it? And honestly I have never understood the being with men and suddenly being a lesbian-like Anne Heche. Now she's with a man again so I don't know. It's only confusing for me but I'm sure it's not for her and that's all that matters. That's different from someone like Ellen who tried things with guys when she was very young for perhaps social and family reasons but she knew she was a lesbian..I think she did.

I would never think it's the fault of men that women turn to relationships with other women-every situation is different and complicated. Not all guys who get fed up with women abuse them. I'm sorry about your negative experiences. There's plenty else out there, you just have to stay open to it

There's nothing at all odd to me about preferring women for emotional closeness and conversations. I think that happens naturally for many women and I would hardly classify that as bisexual. Sorry but sometimes it really is like talking to a wall. Of course it all depends upon the person, but in general I find it easier to have meaningful conversations about emotions with women.
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Old 04-21-2010, 07:02 PM   #3
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Are there those that get fed up with the opposite sex and "turn gay"? Sure.

Is the number higher with females? Probably so.

Is one of the reasons that it's much more acceptable to be a lesbian than a gay man?

I think so.

Remember, I guarantee you a large percentage of men who are homophobes love watching women make out in their porn.
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Old 04-21-2010, 07:35 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Pearl View Post
When a woman says she's fed up with men, she starts batting for the other team.
I've heard this said many times.

Maybe this is where something like the Kinsey scale comes into play. I think that even in the case you describe above, it just won't happen unless you have SOME level of sexual attraction for the same sex.

I've had some very good relationships with wonderful men who were truly my friends and treated me very well. I've also had one very bad one that dragged on for a couple of years and I thank the Lord every day that I managed to escape that without significant long-term effects. It was unhealthy, the guy was a total disaster and the worst part was that I believe he had no empathy for other people - a very dangerous characteristic.

But at no point there did I go batting for the other team. I've just never felt one iota of sexual attraction towards another woman. I have a huge number of gay friends, considerably more than your average person would, one of my former roommates was a lesbian, etc., so it can't be ascribed to some kind of discomfort or latent bigotry on my part either. Gals just don't do it for me.
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Old 04-21-2010, 09:48 PM   #5
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Old 04-21-2010, 09:58 PM   #6
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I bet there is research that points to, or correlates with bad father figure relationships while growing up.

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Old 04-21-2010, 10:07 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by MrsSpringsteen View Post
Just me personally-I don't think that any woman who is fed up with men for whatever reason (s) and turns to sexual relationships with women could ever truly be considered to be a lesbian or bisexual. Self-identifying as one doesn't really make it so, does it? And honestly I have never understood the being with men and suddenly being a lesbian-like Anne Heche. Now she's with a man again so I don't know. It's only confusing for me but I'm sure it's not for her and that's all that matters. That's different from someone like Ellen who tried things with guys when she was very young for perhaps social and family reasons but she knew she was a lesbian..I think she did.

I would never think it's the fault of men that women turn to relationships with other women-every situation is different and complicated. Not all guys who get fed up with women abuse them. I'm sorry about your negative experiences. There's plenty else out there, you just have to stay open to it
I'm just going to quote this, because you said it all perfectly .

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There's nothing at all odd to me about preferring women for emotional closeness and conversations. I think that happens naturally for many women and I would hardly classify that as bisexual. Sorry but sometimes it really is like talking to a wall. Of course it all depends upon the person, but in general I find it easier to have meaningful conversations about emotions with women.
Indeed. Most women will relate more to other women, just like most guys will relate more to other guys. I'd have a much easier time talking to another girl about, say, female body issues, because she would know exactly what I'm going through. Guys either find that gross or just, by the simple fact that they're guys, don't get it.

I also think people get confused in the sense that if a girl finds another girl attractive, oh, she's suddenly lesbian. No, could just simply mean she admires how the girl looks. I think your sexual orientation's just a lot more complicated than that, and your true interest can't be swayed that easily.

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Old 04-21-2010, 10:48 PM   #8
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Old 04-21-2010, 11:53 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by bvs View Post
are there those that get fed up with the opposite sex and "turn gay"? Sure.

Is the number higher with females? Probably so.

Is one of the reasons that it's much more acceptable to be a lesbian than a gay man?

I think so.

Remember, i guarantee you a large percentage of men who are homophobes love watching women make out in their porn.
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Old 04-22-2010, 04:18 AM   #10
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Because they have eyes.
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Old 04-22-2010, 04:22 AM   #11
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Because they have eyes.
haha
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Old 04-22-2010, 04:23 AM   #12
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Because they have eyes.
haha, a+.
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Old 04-22-2010, 09:41 AM   #13
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I bet there is research that points to, or correlates with bad father figure relationships while growing up.

Rather than "going gay" (which I think is a complete misnomer- you're born gay and anything else is experimentation, for lack of a better word) maybe women with that issue just get involved with lousy men who treat them like their fathers did-because they believe that's all they deserve. Or maybe they go the other way and are just far more choosy and cautious about men.

Did gay men have bad mother figures? There has always been that kind of talk, that mothers can somehow make a boy gay by "over mothering" and encouraging him to be "too feminine and sensitive" and all that. All those bad qualities that we don't want men to have.. Or that the mother was just so awful as a female that somehow the boy makes a choice to be with men. I think that's the biggest load of bs and it really has zero to do with being straight or gay and is so full of stereotypes and stereotypical thoughts about raising boys and about what being gay is.
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Old 04-22-2010, 10:33 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsSpringsteen View Post

Did gay men have bad mother figures? There has always been that kind of talk, that mothers can somehow make a boy gay by "over mothering" and encouraging him to be "too feminine and sensitive" and all that. All those bad qualities that we don't want men to have.. Or that the mother was just so awful as a female that somehow the boy makes a choice to be with men. I think that's the biggest load of bs and it really has zero to do with being straight or gay and is so full of stereotypes and stereotypical thoughts about raising boys and about what being gay is.
Well said, MrsSpringsteen!
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Old 04-22-2010, 10:38 AM   #15
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A friend in college spent about a year in a same-sex relationship. She'd had a series of terrible relationships with men and wanted to experience what it was like being held by a woman. While she ultimately decided it wasn't for her, I gathered that there was some emotional intimacy she was looking for in a relationship with a woman that she hadn't found yet...

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Rather than "going gay" (which I think is a complete misnomer- you're born gay and anything else is experimentation, for lack of a better word)
I don't know about this -- I think human sexuality is a bit more fluid than that. Certainly if you believe that sexuality is more of a spectrum (ie strongly hetero-, weakly hetero-, bi-, weakly homo-, strongly homo-).
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