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Old 04-23-2010, 09:41 PM   #31
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"going gay"

Did gay men have bad mother figures?.
We can't rule out environmental factors entirely.

<>
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:51 PM   #32
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there is a bloke at the cricket club, and he was with a smoking hot girl, but they broke up and she has been with a woman for some time now.

not sure if it was a George/Susan type thing, but yeah
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Old 04-23-2010, 09:54 PM   #33
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These are the kinds of topics FYM needs more of. As always, I'll leave this to our resident anthropologists. Just wanted to say:

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A young woman told me how her boyfriend several years ago suggested that she shave her pubic hair, so that she might more closely resemble the porn stars who were this young man's most consistent source of sexual arousal.
This guy is a fucking idiot, even if his vocabulary was as great as is suggested by this paraphrasing.
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Old 04-23-2010, 11:04 PM   #34
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maybe because it's easier to come out now than it was before.
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Maybe this is really all there is too it.
Generally agree and would add that it is easier in part due to the proliferation of porn on the net - somewhat mentioned in the OP. Porn now is more or less mainstream and has blown the lid off all types of experimentation.
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Old 04-23-2010, 11:47 PM   #35
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blown the lid
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Old 04-24-2010, 12:15 PM   #36
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I'm not sure that I'd identify as bi, I think I probably am straight in any meaningful sense, but going to same-sex schools with a lack of females around messes you up, at least in my experience it did, in the sense that it still holds me back with women.

what do you think about when you think about doing "it"?

there's your answer.



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We can't rule out environmental factors entirely.

<>

it's true. clearly, my parents raised me much differently than they did my straight siblings. my father was weak and passive, and my mother was needy and overbearing, right up until 1981 when my brother was born, and then they suddenly stopped being that way.
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Old 04-24-2010, 12:29 PM   #37
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I agree wit Yolland (I usually do as she says it so so much better then I can) I think teenage girls especially are all about rebelling and basically a short skirt low cut top don't cut it naymore due to the fact that this has now become normal clothing. So how else to say 'i'm sexy, free thinking and bad ass' to attract attention from men, how about giving into te notion of two girls and getting it on with one in a bar or with your best friend etc. I think this could attribute to a lot of the whole "bisexual" movement rather then an actual bisexual tendancies (such as actors who kiss other men or women in movies but are acting rather than being bisexual themselves)
this is completely in contrast to men who would never think about making out with another guy friend to atrract girls (even though im sure quite a few would enjoy it!) it just doesn't work both ways.

On a bisexual note, an ex boyfriend of mine is bisexual he was with a guy before me, then me, then another girl then a guy for a bit and now is married and has two children wit his wife. She knows all about it and one of his ex boyfs came to the wedding. ITs all about commitment not 'afraid to be totally gay' bullshit.

oh i just thought, maybe its also because its less intrusive when girls are intimate compared to guys such as with two girls you're doing the same thing as you would with a guy but with two guys its totally different for the most part? does that make sense? haha
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Old 04-24-2010, 12:53 PM   #38
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On a bisexual note, an ex boyfriend of mine is bisexual he was with a guy before me, then me, then another girl then a guy for a bit and now is married and has two children wit his wife. She knows all about it and one of his ex boyfs came to the wedding. ITs all about commitment not 'afraid to be totally gay' bullshit.
On another bisexual note, I remember an Oprah show where happily married (to women) men also enjoyed sex with men on the side - the problem being that most of the wives didn't know about it. So it seemed that there are those in the spectrum that are sexually attracted to both but romantically attracted to one. And maybe that works the other way around for women who experiment on the basis that men have let them down.
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Old 04-24-2010, 04:42 PM   #39
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what do you think about when you think about doing "it"?

there's your answer.
Oh, chicks. Night and day.
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Old 04-24-2010, 04:44 PM   #40
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Oh, chicks. Night and day.

i think it's quite common to get little crushes on the same gender when you're a "tween" or a teenager. in my experience, the litmus test is what visual material you supply yourself with (mentally, not porn) when you imagine "it."
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Old 04-24-2010, 04:48 PM   #41
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On another bisexual note, I remember an Oprah show where happily married (to women) men also enjoyed sex with men on the side - the problem being that most of the wives didn't know about it. So it seemed that there are those in the spectrum that are sexually attracted to both but romantically attracted to one. And maybe that works the other way around for women who experiment on the basis that men have let them down.

and this is where the gay guys get a little bit peeved -- first, we were all "bisexual" once, before we assumed the responsibility for actually being gay; and, second, these men seem to want to have it always and in all ways, you know?

it's hard to come out, and for many gay guys, it seems like these men are trying to get their kicks but bear none of the social burden. when you're gay, you meet a lot of these men, and it gets tiresome.

and, yes, a part of me realizes that it's all different strokes for different folks, but there's also a part of me that's like, "come the fuck on."
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Old 04-24-2010, 05:13 PM   #42
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Oh, chicks. Night and day.
interesting, with me its only night
and with Irvine it is only day.

there is no right or wrong sexuality
only wrong sexuality for individuals.
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Old 04-24-2010, 05:26 PM   #43
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and this is where the gay guys get a little bit peeved -- first, we were all "bisexual" once, before we assumed the responsibility for actually being gay; and, second, these men seem to want to have it always and in all ways, you know?

it's hard to come out, and for many gay guys, it seems like these men are trying to get their kicks but bear none of the social burden. when you're gay, you meet a lot of these men, and it gets tiresome.

and, yes, a part of me realizes that it's all different strokes for different folks, but there's also a part of me that's like, "come the fuck on."
Understandable that it would be frustrating except that you'd be in the best position to know that everyone comes to terms with it in their own way and some of those men are likely not being honest with themselves.

My point was more that what turns some people on sexually versus romantically or in the context of an intimate relationship might be very different and potentially satisfied separately. Adds to the complexity of what the spectrum of bisexuality means.
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Old 04-24-2010, 05:44 PM   #44
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oh, i agree, and i understand the complexity. the frustration is more of a socio-political one.
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Old 04-24-2010, 06:56 PM   #45
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Here is another curve ball to throw in, though I would think some aspects of this stage of development of sexual politics are rather specific to the UK:



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The change in our culture was all too apparent when I talked to Alevel students at a sixth-form college in London — a dozen teenage girls, a mixture of black and white, middle class and working class, British by birth and immigrants. We discussed their ideals for their sexual lives.

I do not want to exaggerate the changes in our society. Just as in Jane Austen’s time there were women who had sex before marriage and lovers after marriage, so there are women now who hold themselves in readiness for their one true love and seek to remain eternally faithful to him.

But whereas in Austen’s time the promiscuous woman was presented in the dominant culture as marginal and to be condemned, now a girl who has decided to delay sexual activity until she finds a true emotional commitment can be pushed to the margins and silenced.

One of the sixth-form girls told me she felt there was too much pressure to have sex and another chimed in: “Yeah, there is pressure — if you’re a virgin and you’re at a party and the college stud muffin is interested, then there’s pressure to just do it, just do it.”

But they were silenced by the laughter of three slender, well dressed, beautiful white girls whose voices were louder than the others. “Mean girls”, I scribbled in my notebook. Not that they were actually mean, but like the mean girls in the film of the same name they were so confident that the others in the group seemed subdued beside them.

Their sense of certainty clearly arose partly from their sexual self-confidence. When I talked to them afterwards in a cafe, they were easy about telling a stranger how uninhibited they were in their happily promiscuous sex lives. Bella, who had had 22 sexual partners — 13 men and nine women — started telling me how she sometimes has to prove to men that she really is not looking for love and romance.

She told me a male friend had come to see her the previous night and got drunk with her: “Somehow we got on to how much sex I had. He was trying to convince me I had had a traumatic childhood and that was why I had so much sex. I had to keep saying no, I actually am happy. I like having this much sex. I love it.”

Her friend Ruby agreed: “I don’t have boyfriends. I have sex with men, but I wouldn’t call them boyfriends.” Is that just how things are now or is that how she wants to run her life? Ruby looked at me scornfully. “It’s how I want to run my life, basically,” she said, taking another sip of her frappuccino.
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Would they ever think of glamour modelling, pornography or lap dancing if they needed the money? Ruby stepped in again: “Yes, I would. I wouldn’t do it for the money. I don’t need an excuse. I would do it for enjoyment. I’d enjoy it.”

The only impediment in their desire to “run” their sex lives was the unfortunate fact that many of the men they met wanted something more. “Men always go soppy on me,” Ruby said.

Bella agreed: “I met this guy in a pub the other night. We had sex once and ... it’s pathetic. We’re lying there ... and he says, ‘Are you going to sleep with other people?’ I thought: who are you; why are you asking me this? Obviously I’m having sex with other people. He decided he loved me; he was texting me and phoning me for days. After having sex once! What’s that about?”
Feminism seen as promiscuity? - Times Online
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