diamond
ONE love, blood, life
"going gay"
Did gay men have bad mother figures?.
We can't rule out environmental factors entirely.
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"going gay"
Did gay men have bad mother figures?.
A young woman told me how her boyfriend several years ago suggested that she shave her pubic hair, so that she might more closely resemble the porn stars who were this young man's most consistent source of sexual arousal.
maybe because it's easier to come out now than it was before.
Maybe this is really all there is too it.
blown the lid
I'm not sure that I'd identify as bi, I think I probably am straight in any meaningful sense, but going to same-sex schools with a lack of females around messes you up, at least in my experience it did, in the sense that it still holds me back with women.
We can't rule out environmental factors entirely.
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On a bisexual note, an ex boyfriend of mine is bisexual he was with a guy before me, then me, then another girl then a guy for a bit and now is married and has two children wit his wife. She knows all about it and one of his ex boyfs came to the wedding. ITs all about commitment not 'afraid to be totally gay' bullshit.
what do you think about when you think about doing "it"?
there's your answer.
Oh, chicks. Night and day.
On another bisexual note, I remember an Oprah show where happily married (to women) men also enjoyed sex with men on the side - the problem being that most of the wives didn't know about it. So it seemed that there are those in the spectrum that are sexually attracted to both but romantically attracted to one. And maybe that works the other way around for women who experiment on the basis that men have let them down.
Oh, chicks. Night and day.
and this is where the gay guys get a little bit peeved -- first, we were all "bisexual" once, before we assumed the responsibility for actually being gay; and, second, these men seem to want to have it always and in all ways, you know?
it's hard to come out, and for many gay guys, it seems like these men are trying to get their kicks but bear none of the social burden. when you're gay, you meet a lot of these men, and it gets tiresome.
and, yes, a part of me realizes that it's all different strokes for different folks, but there's also a part of me that's like, "come the fuck on."
The change in our culture was all too apparent when I talked to Alevel students at a sixth-form college in London — a dozen teenage girls, a mixture of black and white, middle class and working class, British by birth and immigrants. We discussed their ideals for their sexual lives.
I do not want to exaggerate the changes in our society. Just as in Jane Austen’s time there were women who had sex before marriage and lovers after marriage, so there are women now who hold themselves in readiness for their one true love and seek to remain eternally faithful to him.
But whereas in Austen’s time the promiscuous woman was presented in the dominant culture as marginal and to be condemned, now a girl who has decided to delay sexual activity until she finds a true emotional commitment can be pushed to the margins and silenced.
One of the sixth-form girls told me she felt there was too much pressure to have sex and another chimed in: “Yeah, there is pressure — if you’re a virgin and you’re at a party and the college stud muffin is interested, then there’s pressure to just do it, just do it.”
But they were silenced by the laughter of three slender, well dressed, beautiful white girls whose voices were louder than the others. “Mean girls”, I scribbled in my notebook. Not that they were actually mean, but like the mean girls in the film of the same name they were so confident that the others in the group seemed subdued beside them.
Their sense of certainty clearly arose partly from their sexual self-confidence. When I talked to them afterwards in a cafe, they were easy about telling a stranger how uninhibited they were in their happily promiscuous sex lives. Bella, who had had 22 sexual partners — 13 men and nine women — started telling me how she sometimes has to prove to men that she really is not looking for love and romance.
She told me a male friend had come to see her the previous night and got drunk with her: “Somehow we got on to how much sex I had. He was trying to convince me I had had a traumatic childhood and that was why I had so much sex. I had to keep saying no, I actually am happy. I like having this much sex. I love it.”
Her friend Ruby agreed: “I don’t have boyfriends. I have sex with men, but I wouldn’t call them boyfriends.” Is that just how things are now or is that how she wants to run her life? Ruby looked at me scornfully. “It’s how I want to run my life, basically,” she said, taking another sip of her frappuccino.
Would they ever think of glamour modelling, pornography or lap dancing if they needed the money? Ruby stepped in again: “Yes, I would. I wouldn’t do it for the money. I don’t need an excuse. I would do it for enjoyment. I’d enjoy it.”
The only impediment in their desire to “run” their sex lives was the unfortunate fact that many of the men they met wanted something more. “Men always go soppy on me,” Ruby said.
Bella agreed: “I met this guy in a pub the other night. We had sex once and ... it’s pathetic. We’re lying there ... and he says, ‘Are you going to sleep with other people?’ I thought: who are you; why are you asking me this? Obviously I’m having sex with other people. He decided he loved me; he was texting me and phoning me for days. After having sex once! What’s that about?”
“But it’s everywhere. I mean, if you put on the television, every other music video has half-naked women dancing around. It’s just like you don’t have any choice — you feel that as you grow up you have to start dressing that way, acting that way — that there is no other way to behave.”
She is angry that she is growing up in this milieu. “It’s all casual sex now; nobody talks about love,” she said. “I wish I could have a real connection with a man. But there’s no courtship any more. That’s all dead. It’s just immediate. There’s no getting to know someone; you’re expected just to look someone up and down and make the decision just like that: are you going to have sex or not?
“There’s no time to build up a connection. The idea is that you have sex first, but how are you meant to create the kind of excitement, the emotional connection, after that? I want to have an emotional connection with a man. I want it to be there with the feeling that I am equal to him. I do think I’m as good as a man. But I don’t want just this no-strings sex stuff.”
This is what I want - a relationship. Call me a prude, a freak or whatever, but I don't believe in one-night stands with a stranger. I could never bring myself to that. I want to be loved and respected by a man. If that is old-fashioned, then so be it.
From the same article:
This is what I want - a relationship. Call me a prude, a freak or whatever, but I don't believe in one-night stands with a stranger. I could never bring myself to that. I want to be loved and respected by a man. If that is old-fashioned, then so be it.
i think girls today are more liberated from traditional virgin/whore roles when it comes to sex, and i have to think that's a good thing. and i also have to think that ultimately it is a good thing that a girl has permission to be a player.
now, we can have a discussion about whether or not it's good to be a player, but the fact that it has become untethered to gender has to be seen as something of a good thing, imho.
Has that girl you just quoted turned to women now? For those reasons?
Despite the choice of that attention-getting quote for a headline, reading the article all the way through gives the impression that this "promiscuity" has in fact come about as a reaction against the perceived uptightness of feminists concerning sexuality.
Not really; the question is whether women are disproportionately stigmatized and/or scrutinized for behavior which in reality both sexes have always engaged in. The distinction matters a good deal when you're the one on the receiving end of that greater stigma or scrutiny.Of course, since men have traditionally been the ones to play, the question is whether feminism has merely become "let's do things the way men do."
the question is whether women are disproportionately stigmatized and/or scrutinized for behavior which in reality both sexes have always engaged in.
reading the article all the way through gives the impression that this "promiscuity" has in fact come about as a reaction against the perceived uptightness of feminists concerning sexuality.
the ideal of liberated sex in the 1960s was about really loving and valuing your body and being proud of it. (my edit - not selling it to the highest bidder) Now there is a toxic mix, for young girls, of feeling they have to be sexually active but also feeling very critical of their bodies. So they will have lots of sex, but without pleasure or pride.”
“Feminism is now seen as sexual promiscuity, which is such a narrow view of empowerment. Liberation isn’t just about promiscuity. For some women, liberation may be about having a new sexual partner every week, but for a lot of women it will be about finding someone to be with for your whole life, growing together over the years, and you never hear about that any more.
“What liberation means to me is that in any sexual relationship you are cherished and you cherish.”
Of course, since men have traditionally been the ones to play, the question is whether feminism has merely become "let's do things the way men do."
Which, in the case of sex with anonymous strangers, feels like a race to the bottom.
Do you consider self-contol, no matter what gender or orientation, to be a virtue?linking anonymous sex to the liberation from traditional gender roles is rather faulty, so all you're doing here is continuing the patriarchal virgin/whore good-girls-say-no paradigm that destroys the self-esteem of so many young women and perpetuates precisely the double-standards that feminism sought to eradicate.
i understand that women making their own decisions about sex -- and not necessarily following whatever rules their fathers may have laid out for them -- is unsettling, but that's probably why most men don't know what it feels like for a girl.
Do you consider self-contol, no matter what gender or orientation, to be a virtue?