Who are we really?

[maycocksean]

I realize that this might be better placed in Zoo Station, but I'm really interested in discussing the ideas behind the film rather than the movie itself, and I think FYM is a good fit.

(Plus I can't be bothered to have it lost the "latest movie you've seen eleventy-one" thread). Hope the mods agree with me.

I just finished watching the movie Catfish and I was absolutely fascinated. I'm still not sure whether I buy that it's an actual documentary and not a Blair Witch style film, but either way it's a remarkable piece of film-making. Has anyone else seen it?

At any rate it raises the really interesting questions about the online image that we project of ourselves and how real it is. The character Angela in the film, if she's real, created a remarkable false image (including dozens of fake friends on Facebook). (If she's actually an actress, she's a good one because her performance felt very genuine, not a false note about it). It's especially interesting to me because like a lot of you I've spent quite a bit of time in this online community (over five years now), and I find it fascinating to consider how the "real" us and the FYM/Interference us differ, particularly since I feel like I "know" a lot of you, yet wouldn't recognize most of you if I passed you on the street.

So what do you think? Who are we really? Is the online image you project about the same as the "real" you or quite different.

Speaking for myself, I think I come across better online than I do in real life, but I don't know how much of that is intentional cultivation to burnish my image and how much is just a natural byproduct of being able to consider what you say, how you say it, etc.

Discuss friends/strangers!

 

[BonosSaint]

Very interesting topic, Sean. I'll come back to it later this afternoon. Short, I think I cultivate pretty much the same image online as I do in real life, but both are a good part image. That being said, I come across as much more patient online and much less passive-aggressive (and less funny and playful) than I am in real life.

More to follow.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I have been meaning to see that movie-is it scary, like crime related type stuff?

I'm not into trying to project a certain image or that type of stuff. I am awkward and not self confident and not fake. I just want people to accept me for who I am. Any image I project is for self protection, since I guess all humans do do that to greater and lesser degrees.

I consider myself to be a "loner" and outsider type. I am not a follower or a group type of person who needs to be "popular" or needs or wants to be the center of attention and all that. I've never been that way. In real life I am very shy and guarded until I trust someone. Trusting is difficult. In many ways it can be very scary when people know too much about you, it feels way too vulnerable. Plus I just hate oversharing and overexposure and attention whoring. People who have mystery (in a positive sense) are much more appealing.

I'm old school. I'm not into Facebook or any of that type of stuff, I'm very leery and cynical of how much virtual reality has become "reality" in this world. I didn't grow up in that world and for me that's a very positive thing.

I actually feel like an alien around here lately because I am not seeing U2 and honestly I couldn't care less. I still like their music and I always will but I'm over it in so many ways. I think I'm just a different person, and I look at them differently too. Maybe because the mystery and having them more "to myself", before what they became what they are now, is gone. This forum is the only thing that keeps me coming back here.

 

[Liesje]

Well you'd have to ask my friends but I try to stay true to myself. I use my real name/real "pet" name. I have zero 'net anonymity as I enter so many competitions with my dogs and all the catalogs/results are available online now so you can easily find my full name and address. Plus my name is unique (one of a kind) so if you Google me, you only get me. I don't really have the time or the creativity to create some sort of online alter-ego. I know at any given time my friends, family, bosses, etc can easily find every blog and forum I post on and most can see my Facebook so I do have to hold back somewhat. But...my name really is Lies and I do really like U2 and training German Shepherds.

 

[Pearl]

I tend to be shyer in real life, so to speak. The Internet is a good way for me to express myself in certain ways that I can't do in the real world.

Sometimes I do expose myself too much online, particularly on Interference. There are a few threads and postings I've made that I regret because I did show too much of myself to the whole world, basically. But, you move on.

 

[yolland]

Haven't seen Catfish, but I've heard it described at some length by a relative who saw it. IIRC(?), it addresses one of the major ethical dilemmas of "the online persona," which is that the contrivances a person gets into might arguably be harmless or even net-beneficial for him/her--welcome release from certain real-life limitations which aren't necessarily in your power to change, for example--yet at the same time, there's this problem where you're knowingly exploiting the trust and (shared) social neediness of others by inventing or omitting "traits" you couldn't or wouldn't in real life. Is that more or less accurate as a description? It is an interesting question, and more broadly, there are related interesting issues concerning whether and when "creative" "self"-presentation is also bad for the person doing it, what it is we're looking for when we cultivate relationships with real-life strangers online and how that differs from our real-life social needs and expectations, and so on.

Personally...I do assume I benefit socially when online, because of the writing-based nature of the medium--I suck at speaking extemporaneously, even on casual topics, and have considerable difficulty holding both my words and my thoughts together in a way that's never been a problem for me in writing. I tend to attribute this primarily to the fact that I stuttered badly until about age 12 or so (still occasionally do, when alarmed or rushed) and "never fully got over it," though I'm sure the reality is more complicated than that. In real life, I cope with this through a mixture of holding silent in conversations until I've had time to mentally prepare a "statement," which makes me come across quite reserved, plus keeping a stockpile of well-rehearsed mental scripts ready for situations or topics that come up often, which makes my thinking come across more analytical than it actually is.

On the downside (for me, anyway), I'm pretty sure I do come across considerably sterner and more serious online--in real life I do lots of impersonations and mock-neurotic fits, neither of which translate well online without undue effort; on the upside, no one gets to see how bad my temper can be in real life (my kids divide my moments into four reporting categories--Kinda Mad, Just-Mad, Super Mad, and Super Super Mad--the latter two of which usually involve not eruptions at people, but what one of my brothers wryly terms our family propensity for "inarticulate rage at inanimate objects").

One thing I do like about online socializing, at least longer-form formats like forums, is that in some ways you really are more open to individual complexity than we are in real life: a little less likely to automatically slot someone into some coolly-received social category never to be taken seriously again, a little more likely to catch and follow up on the spark of that moment where you glimpse in some passing comment something which fascinates or excites or intrigues you. Although, to return to our starting point, this does come with the risk that much of what surrounds that spark may be deceptive and misleading in ways that wouldn't elude you in real life.

I'm not much on Facebook or other social networking tools, though less because of philosophical concerns about authenticity or exhibitionism or any of that than because of my grumpy-pissy impatience with the extent of banality you have to slog though to keep your social capital up.

 

[maycocksean]

I have been meaning to see that movie-is it scary, like crime related type stuff?

It's not. I don't know how you'd interpret how it ends up, but my response was less "ooh that is sick and twisted" and more "oh, that is really sad and a little disturbing."

No violence or anything remotely close to that. The key character is really quite brilliant when you think about it, she just put it to use in an unfortunate way.

But...my name really is Lies and I do really like U2 and training German Shepherds.

Lies (and her husband) are the only Interference regulars that I've met in real life--at the Chicago show in September 2009--and I enjoyed meeting them. I heard I just missed corianderstem that day, which is a shame. At any rate, by that time I'd "known" Lies and Phil for a number of years, since before they were married and we'd been talking a lot here in Interland about dog issues. It was kind of surreal, because here's this person I've never met but yet we just picked up talking about my dog, carrying on the online conversation in real time. It was the strangest feeling, but good. Hopefully we'll meet up in Chicago next week again.

Like you, Lies, I tend to be pretty open about who I "really" am online. My blog is available to pretty much anyone, and I tend to be a pretty open person in general. I know that not everyone here in FYM is that way though, and I respect that.

I tend to be shyer in real life, so to speak. The Internet is a good way for me to express myself in certain ways that I can't do in the real world.

Sometimes I do expose myself too much online, particularly on Interference. There are a few threads and postings I've made that I regret because I did show too much of myself to the whole world, basically. But, you move on.

I've done that only a few times, but yeah, you move on.

I find that I'm a lot more willing to argue aggressively here than I am in real life. In real life, I tend to dislike confrontation and will go to great lengths to avoid it. Here, I have no compunctions about say getting snarky with INDY500 I don't think I would do that in a real life situation unless I knew the person really, really well and knew they could take the ribbing. I imagine I'm not alone in that, as a lot of people tend to be more "aggressive" online than they would be ordinarily. In a way, I wonder if a community like this could exist and last in the real world.

 

[nathan1977]

Spending time lately reflecting on all things therapeutic, I'm fascinated by the notion that we are only ever partly ourselves. Whenever we meet someone new, we tend to project on them all our previous interactions and established social norms and relationships, to test whether this person is the same as the people we've met previously. It helps us fit people into particular "slots." As a result, we "are" other people...or at least, the summary of others people's projections of us.

I'm particularly sensitive to that here in Interference, where people carry those same presumptions and assumptions. They can be even more biting behind a veil of avatars and presumed anonymity. I fear sometimes people say things to and about others that they would never be bold enough to say when looking into those people's eyes. (I'm not sure that's necessarily a good or bad thing.)

 

[Liesje]

Sean, I often have similar experiences. "Meet" someone online, talk about similar interests for a while...then finally meet that person in real life and it's like nothing is really all that different, the conversations just continue. Especially b/c of U2, I've had multiple situations where I find myself sharing a backpacking tent with someone I've only just met in real life hours before, but it's not weird at all.....

I "met" someone on a dog forum a while back, found out she lives a few miles away, invited her to come train with out club, and now we're getting tattoos together this weekend, haha! Normally when I meet someone either online or in real life, it doesn't take me long to decide whether I can get along with that person or not.

I don't really spend a lot of time trying to figure people out, on the computer screen or in front of my face. I'm not a "read between the lines" person. If someone seems too complicated or has too much baggage or we have zero common interests I just move on. Not to say they are a bad person, but I'm not one that tries really hard to make or keep friends.

 

[yolland]

Whenever we meet someone new, we tend to project on them all our previous interactions and established social norms and relationships, to test whether this person is the same as the people we've met previously. It helps us fit people into particular "slots." As a result, we "are" other people...or at least, the summary of others people's projections of us.

I'm particularly sensitive to that here in Interference, where people carry those same presumptions and assumptions. They can be even more biting behind a veil of avatars and presumed anonymity.

I guess that could be the flipside to the somewhat greater openness I was talking about earlier: that if it's in some ways easier to find moments of connection online with people you probably wouldn't take the time on in real life, it's also easier to reduce someone to a partisan caricature and treat them accordingly. I'm not sure though how similar that really is to the real-life situation of (for example) carrying baggage from one's relationship to a parent with whom you're still problematically psychically engaged into your adult romantic relationships, because those re-creations aren't conscious, whereas when you're sitting there sneering at someone's post and thinking "Uh-huh, yeah, I know exactly what type of asshole you are, buddy" and responding to them in that spirit, that's the result of a conscious judgment. If I'm understanding the kind of projecting you're talking about correctly.

 

[INDY500]

On the internet I'm a Teaparty Christian but in reality I'm a Bush-hating, anti-capitalist, Muslim lesbian living in Damascus.

 

[financeguy]

In 'real life', I am probably less argumentative. People who know me only casually would probably see me as a fairly quiet person who does not waste words and does not excel in the small talk department. That said, my argumentative streak can manifest in 'real life', particularly with close friends, sometimes to an extent that gets me in minor trouble - e.g. arguing vociferously over some political issue where it's not really appropriate in the context, and I am politely asked to tone it down

I guess I have borderline social autism, though in my defense I am capable of laughing at my quirks.

I tend to think personality is to an extent situational and the introvert/extrovert dichotomy is largely confidence driven. I tend to dislike people that are not passionate about things, or that pretend to enjoy social conventions that are boring. I would rather have a conversation with someone that disagrees with every proposition I set forth than with someone who has no opinion, or meekly goes along with everything I say. Paradoxically and no doubt hypocritically, I tend to dislike shyness as a character trait in others. There may be some deeper psychological truth here. In any case, while shyness is forgiveable, I actively try to avoid the company of people that I don't consider intelligent or interesting. I find it easier to forgive pretentiousness than dullness and in general, I enjoy the company of people that are good conversationalists, broad-minded, argumentative, opiniated and with a broad range of interests - which is why I gravitate towards FYM, as there is a higher percentile of those types here than elsewhere!

 

[financeguy]

I'm old school. I'm not into Facebook or any of that type of stuff, I'm very leery and cynical of how much virtual reality has become "reality" in this world. I didn't grow up in that world and for me that's a very positive thing.

I'm not much on Facebook or other social networking tools, though less because of philosophical concerns about authenticity or exhibitionism or any of that than because of my grumpy-pissy impatience with the extent of banality you have to slog though to keep your social capital up.

Isn't scepticism about social media, for those of us in our mid to late thirties or forties, partially a generational thing? I'm closer to forty than thirty at this stage and I tend to think of sites like Facebook and Twitter as kids' stuff. When I hear of politicians setting up Twitter accounts to reach out to 'the youth' or whatever, my opinion of them tends to go downhill. I looked at Twitter a few times, and it seemed to be the most immature garbage to me.

 

[yolland]

^ Oh, absolutely that's part of it. I've had the experience in recent years of leading students abroad, and I'll be psyching myself up for it by remembering the bugeyed fever-pitch tizzy myself and my fellow exchange students were in that first day in Bombay twenty years ago and mentally preparing myself for a roomful of that--only to find out that all these students are preoccupied with is the fact that their cell phones aren't working right, so they haven't been able to call Mom and Dad yet. At which I'm thinking, Are you kidding me? You're nineteen and out in the world on your own with your peers, you chose this experience--cut the *@#% umbilical cord and jump into it! So yeah, it's a whole different mindset towards social connections, and it does often read like saying something for the sake of saying something aka tedium to me.

Then again, try explaining to your parents that some of your favorite people to discuss social and political issues with are anonymous fans of some rock band on some internet forum!

 

[BonosSaint]

I'm back. I don't think I calculate an online persona, but I do compartmentalize. I'm probably not the same misanthrope here as I can be ( in spite of liking some people very much both here and in real life.)

I'm pretty sure if you knew me in real life, you'd recognize me from my online persona.
I'm not particularly open either place (although I will give the impression I am), but I'm fundamentally honest about what I do reveal. I'm open about my flaws, my shortcomings, my cruelties. (People think I am very open because of that) But I do not show my vulnerabilities anywhere.

You'll get a good picture of me, but not a complete one. (not that we get a complete picture of anyone here or there) I'm not particularly spontaneous. Everything goes through a filter before it comes out. I'm not overly chatty, but I can go through a caffeine-laden annoying talking jag early in the morning.

Like Sean noted, I'm more measured here because I have time to think about what I am saying and edit it, a double filter. I read a lot of people's posts here closely (and skim over a lot of others) and those I read closely, I remember what they said in the past and notice if I think something doesn't match. So I will ponder what is going on there--change in thought, some misdirection? Unfortunately (or fortunately) I have almost no memory of a lot of my own posts, no matter how carefully I wrote them so if people bothered, I'm sure I could get caught in a few "gotcha" situations.

I take a back seat here. I mostly sit back and listen. But my ego doesn't allow me to take the back seat as much in real life. I'm offbeat and prefer the offbeat. I like to take people off in different directions. I think people find me pleasingly odd and don't mind getting taken on that ride. Mainstream bores me. I like the subcultures. But I've learned not to romanticize them, or to romanticize much of anything. But I'm comfortable enough with convention that I can move in that world easily enough. I'm bored with politics, don't put much faith in politics, the court system, the corporate world. I trust individuals (not "the individual" as some ideologues would have it, but specific individuals and not groups) I've happily lost my ideology along the way. I'm a storyteller in real life, not so much on line.

I've got an ego, but I'm not particularly narcissistic. I don't spend much time worrying about what people think about me. I've got enough concern thinking about what I think of myself. I worry about pleasing me. The older I've gotten, the less guilt I feel, the less someone can manipulate me. (I can still be manipulated, but much less). I try to be fair; I try to be kind; I try to be honest and I try to control my temper. I figure that's all anyone can really expect from me. Sometimes I fall short.

There are a lot of boring things about me. A lot of thought patterns and tedious behaviors I keep hidden. To me, boring is a crime. So if I have to hide parts of myself or tweak (I'm not above tweaking) to make it interesting. When I was in high school, my creative writing teacher told me I could make people laugh or cry over the contents of an aspritin bottle. At first, wanting to be a SERIOUS ARTIST, I was a little offended. Once I stopped taking myself seriously, I considered it high praise. I have a low boredom threshhold, so if someone bores me, I will not relate to them for very long. If I keep in some kind of contact with you, you can be absolutely assured that I don't find you boring.

I'm not confrontational, but I'm not afraid of confrontation either. I pick my battles. I find someone will eventually say what I was going to say here, so I don't have to. I am lazy. No surprise to anyone who knows me well.

 

[BonosSaint]

Isn't scepticism about social media, for those of us in our mid to late thirties or forties, partially a generational thing? I'm closer to forty than thirty at this stage and I tend to think of sites like Facebook and Twitter as kids' stuff. When I hear of politicians setting up Twitter accounts to reach out to 'the youth' or whatever, my opinion of them tends to go downhill. I looked at Twitter a few times, and it seemed to be the most immature garbage to me.

I've never understood why people would want to broadcast to the world just how boring they are. I try to keep my own boringness to myself.

 

[maycocksean]

On the internet I'm a Teaparty Christian but in reality I'm a Bush-hating, anti-capitalist, Muslim lesbian living in Damascus.

I knew it!

I actively try to avoid the company of people that I don't consider intelligent or interesting. I find it easier to forgive pretentiousness than dullness

I have a low boredom threshhold, so if someone bores me, I will not relate to them for very long. If I keep in some kind of contact with you, you can be absolutely assured that I don't find you boring.

It never occured to me think of people as boring before. I suppose there are some people that I just end up not talking to very much, because they don't have much to say, but I don't think I've ever thought about it consciously. Truth be told, I think I am a bit narcissistic in that I tend to feel that my life is pretty interesting (even though in fact it might not be). Not narcissistic enough to post what I had for breakfast on Twitter, but narcissistic enough to keep a blog!

Isn't scepticism about social media, for those of us in our mid to late thirties or forties, partially a generational thing? I'm closer to forty than thirty at this stage and I tend to think of sites like Facebook and Twitter as kids' stuff. When I hear of politicians setting up Twitter accounts to reach out to 'the youth' or whatever, my opinion of them tends to go downhill. I looked at Twitter a few times, and it seemed to be the most immature garbage to me.

I signed up for Twitter in order to hear an advance preview of the latest single by Mat Kearney. He's currently the only person I follow. I decided it use Twitter to record all the funny things my son says, but I currently have only three followers (his two grandmothers and some guy I don't know from Taiwan--which is a little weird) I'm fine with it though, I never felt a great need to follow or be followed.

Then again, try explaining to your parents that some of your favorite people to discuss social and political issues with are anonymous fans of some rock band on some internet forum!

Yeah, my wife STILL finds my whole Interference thing a little hard to comprehend.

 

[ryancoke71]

Interesting thread!

I find that the only people who get this whole Interference thing are the others on here. I find I am myself on here, but not as shy as I am normally. I too have had the opportunity to meet people that I have had the change to get to know through Interference and it has been great. It is like meeting someone you already know, so there is no awkwardness. That is what makes the U2 shows so much fun now. Yes, I love the band, but at this point, it is meeting fellow fans that is really exciting. When you count down the number of days until you meet someone in lieu of counting down to the actual concert (which quite a few of us are doing for Montreal), it makes the trips that much more memorable!

Just my . I'm usually pretty quiet in this area of the forum.

 

[Pearl]

When it comes to Twitter and blogging, I'm the opposite of many in this thread. I don't keep a blog about my thoughts and my daily life, but I do like to post on Twitter. I'm not a Twitter addict, but I do enjoy following other people and organizations (particularly news, novelists and art organizations) and sometimes they can be quite funny! If I do post something on Twitter, I try to make it memorable in hopes of it being retweeted or having a total stranger respond. I know that sounds weird and narcissistic, but I find it exciting.

 

[maycocksean]

Interesting thread!

Yes, I love the band, but at this point, it is meeting fellow fans that is really exciting. When you count down the number of days until you meet someone in lieu of counting down to the actual concert (which quite a few of us are doing for Montreal), it makes the trips that much more memorable!

No FYM regulars (beyond Lies) going to the Chicago this time--or if they are they're not talking about it. I don't know anyone over at the Chicago thread. Well, there is U2isthebest, but she hasn't been around here in ages.

When it comes to Twitter and blogging, I'm the opposite of many in this thread. I don't keep a blog about my thoughts and my daily life, but I do like to post on Twitter. I'm not a Twitter addict, but I do enjoy following other people and organizations (particularly news, novelists and art organizations) and sometimes they can be quite funny! If I do post something on Twitter, I try to make it memorable in hopes of it being retweeted or having a total stranger respond. I know that sounds weird and narcissistic, but I find it exciting.

I'd be interested in following some of the funny Twitter posters, if I knew who they were. Let me know if you have any recommendations.

 

[Liesje]

My Facebook is hopelessly lame, but if people don't like it they don't have to read it or can de-friend me. I use it mostly for dog stuff. Many dog breeders (especially those with high quality dogs that are very competitive in performance and working venues) have blogs and like to keep up with how their dogs are doing, and other people with dogs from the same litters become friends. Facebook basically does that for us. Pan's breeder doesn't use a blog, she just hooks us up as friends on Facebook. My dog training club no longer uses our website or a blog, we use Facebook groups. Most of my posts probably make zero sense to all but two dozen people but I am not typically using Facebook as a popularity contest or for deep reflections. I used Facebook maybe once every three months up until about six months ago and wouldn't care less if my account was delete except it seems to be the easiest method handling dog events, keeping people updated, an putting people in touch so I finally gave in. I can't really text on my phone (well I can but I don't have a keyboard) and I have several friends that can't answer calls b/c of their low signal, but prefer to get texts and check their FB on their phone religiously so I've started using the FB messaging quite a bit.

We're also using it for work now so I have to use it for that as well.

I do not upload content to Facebook (I only share things as links) because I don't want them to have content that I own, and I've had issues in the past with people stealing and misrepresenting themselves. I've filed several DMCA violations through Facebook and they have always been handled promptly and in my favor.

 

[Pearl]

I'd be interested in following some of the funny Twitter posters, if I knew who they were. Let me know if you have any recommendations.

There's the TheOnion and the Daily Show, both of which gives me the giggles during a boring day at work. Then there's Jaime Rodriguez, who I believe is from Interference, but I don't know his screenname. But he's hysterical when he makes fun of pop culture, the weather, news events. Its amazing what he comes up with.

For example:

Gates open in 20 minutes. This is the part where Live Nation owes us each Xanax refills

All this mix of rain/sun/rain/sun has me looking like Rod Blagojevich' + Snookie's lovechild

Like last time U2 played in this stadium (Popmart) the rain is pouring. Should have worn my Julia Roberts' Pretty Woman Prostitute boots

https://twitter.com/#!/jaimearodriguez



Also there are some accounts that poke fun at journalists and other news business people. But I think you have to work in the field to really get what they're saying.

 

[Canadiens1131]

I tend to think of sites like Facebook and Twitter as kids' stuff. When I hear of politicians setting up Twitter accounts to reach out to 'the youth' or whatever, my opinion of them tends to go downhill. I looked at Twitter a few times, and it seemed to be the most immature garbage to me.

To be honest, blame the content and participants, not the delivery mechanism.

Twitter is an incredible tool if used correctly: finding timely, relevant information about a current, almost instantaneous ongoing event.

Radio was an amazing innovation for its time, but is mostly now comprised of the traffic on the twos and morning zoo crew.

Most anything is crap if you take a birds-eye, aggregate view of it.

 

[kramwest1]

I'd be interested in following some of the funny Twitter posters, if I knew who they were. Let me know if you have any recommendations.

I really like @JoshSneed and @FakeAPStylebook

Josh Sneed is comedian with a dry, odd, but everyman-type sense of humor.

Fake AP Stylebook is for grammar wonks who love to laugh at writing rules and such.

 

[PhilsFan]

I've been pretty damn image conscious for the last five years. My younger self was socially awkward and that reputation basically followed me throughout high school. I was too high strung about the things I thought I cared about and too loud and in-your-face when I had an opinion on something. In some ways I was nerdy. Mostly I just totally lacked self-awareness. Recognizing what people thought of me made me much more self-aware. I think in the last five years I've really made a concerted effort to change the image I project. I always try to project myself as someone who takes nothing too seriously, and ironically I'm extremely serious about that projection getting out. I know it's probably not healthy to overthink things that much. But it's where I am in my life right now. I'm sure there will come a time when I want to be more honest emotionally, because I've never really found anyone I can open up to about anything. But hey, I'm young, right? I can still get away with it in my early 20s. That's what I'd say to myself if I ever found myself confronted with the reality. Even as I write this, it feels detached. Nothing will truly sink in. I'll certainly think about it again, and yet, it won't phase me at all.

I guess the best way I can summarize what I'm thinking is: I don't know who I am, but I'm not sure that it even matters.

 

[Headache in a Suitcase]

I think I'm pretty much the exact same in person.... probably a bit more guarded with people I dont know in person at first, but that goes away fairly quickly. I don't readily volunteer information about myself, but don't really hide anything either. You can get just about anything out of me if you simply ask.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I've never understood why people would want to broadcast to the world just how boring they are. I try to keep my own boringness to myself.

Maybe in most cases they're embellishing their lives in order to make them seem less boring. Or it's as if once you tweet or post anything it's supposed to be fascinating just because you have lots of friends or followers. I don't get it, it just seems so high school to me. And so sad when it takes over someone's life. Some people don't know how to live a non internet life or how to communicate face to face. And I just want to haul off and punch people who can't even watch a movie in a movie theater without texting or tweeting or whatever they're doing.

My life is boring, I don't care who knows it and I don't feel the need to pretend otherwise. If that makes me a boring person, well That's the great thing about getting older, you care less and less about what others think or say about you. Everything else sucks ass, but that's great.

 

[BonosSaint]

I just think there is a certain narcissism. Usually by boring, I mean the idea that someone would be fascinated by somebody else's minutia. Internet game scores, stream of consciousness on everything. I couldn't imagine why anyone would care to hear my minutia or my every waking thought. Shit, I don't even care what I think about most things. Then again, I'm getting to the age where I'm protective of my time. If a book doesn't catch my interest, I don't read it.

I would read your tweets, Mrs. S.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I would read your tweets, Mrs. S.

You're the only one

Yes I think it's narcissism too. I think it breeds narcissism, and just brings it out in people who have plenty of it already. I think all of it dries up your motivation to do other things too, I know it does for me and I have to watch that. It's just so easy to escape and avoid.

 

[Irvine511]

i've been thinking about this thread and really don't know how to answer. i feel like i'm very honest in here, sometimes a bit too honest, but then i'll also take positions or propose a hypothesis that isn't really something i agree with or live out in my real life.

i'd say you're getting a very honest look at my thoughts in real time as i wrestle with new things and often defend long held convictions, but maybe not of who i really "am" because it's impossible to get that across on a forum about (mostly) political issues. i think my personality does come across in here, but i think there's a tendency to let emotions or responses be a bit exaggerated because you don't have to deal with interpersonal reactions. that might make us a bit more rude to each other than we'd be in real life where we're trained (usually) to find points of commonality and exhibit respectful disagreement, but maybe that means we're getting a more honest reaction in here. then, at the same time, it becomes very hard to resist a quick "slam" should the opportunity arise. i think that's the nature of written debate -- and it's been around for centuries. just look at what famous authors have written about each other, we're positively kind in here by comparison.

as for my everyday life, i am very polite in person, up to a point. i have been known, especially when younger, to have instigated some political arguments and been a bit needlessly aggressive, much to my embarrassment the next day, which is why i find FYM such a good outlet for such things. as you get older, i think intense argument over politics isn't something anyone really wants to deal with in the way that you wanted to as an undergraduate. i've learned to calmly explain my position, and quite coherently, thanks to the thinking i do in here. but i now avoid politics almost altogether in everyday life, and when i do discuss them, i try very hard not to be confrontational. which has taken some work, i admit.

all that said, when i do allude to my life, i think there's a natural tendency to put one's best foot forward, to a degree. there are things (usually negative things) i don't talk about in here because i frankly don't feel comfortable. but i will say that i am mostly quite pleased with my "real" life -- i have a fast paced, exciting, stressful, exhausting, rewarding job that often tests my own boundaries and morals, but it also opens up a huge world of people and experiences that i wouldn't have otherwise. my relationship is pretty much as described in here, though it's obviously far more complicated than i could ever explain in a few sentences. and i feel as if it's very important, as a sexual minority, to talk about that aspect of my life in order to make it more real to people who might otherwise not know a gay person in their regular life. perhaps that's some self-aggrandizement on my part, but i'd rather share too much than too little.

i facebook, but try to post things that i find funny and interesting, or maybe a picture of where i'm at, rather than "just had toast and eggs for breakfast" type stuff. i actually enjoy hearing about some of the minor details in some people's lives. it's nice to know that people are puttering along and doing the best they can and there's some happiness and joy in their lives. i'm mostly a fan of social media stuff like that.

other than that ... not sure what to say. in my journal somewhere i posted (and answered) a list of 100 questions that was kind of interesting. i could start a thread with those questions and maybe some of the regulars could answer and we could all get to know each other a bit better. just a thought.