We're due for a breast feeding discussion - Page 6 - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Free Your Mind
Click Here to Login
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 01-02-2009, 12:34 PM   #76
Blue Crack Addict
 
MrsSpringsteen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 24,984
Local Time: 12:59 AM
Breast-Feeding Past Infancy: 'I'm Comforting Him'

A Mom Talks About Her Decision to Continue Breast-Feeding Her Older Children

By GWEN GOWEN

Jan. 2, 2009—

Robyn Paul, her husband and their three children look like the classic American family -- until you find out that Tiernan, their kindergartner, is still breast-feeding.

Many people are shocked by the idea of nursing a child who is nearly 6 years old, but Paul remains determined to do what she says is best for her child.

Watch the story tonight on "20/20" at 10 p.m. ET

"In this culture, breasts are viewed as sexual," Paul said. "We use breasts to sell everything from beer to motorcycles, then a toddler is in mom's arms nursing for what they're supposed to be used for and everybody freaks out."

No one is sure how many women in the United States are breast-feeding older children, but Paul said she suspects the number is higher than you might think. Most won't admit it, she said, because of the stigma.

"There are those women that do nurse that keep it under wraps because they're afraid of what others are going to say about it," she said.

Paul said she usually breast-feeds Tiernan at home when he needs comforting.

"They're running around and playing," she said. "Once they get beyond 3 years old they're not nursing but a couple of times a day."

Although some might consider a pacifier a more socially acceptable way to comfort their child, Paul said she would prefer that her child receive comfort at her breast.

When Tiernan needs comforting, he will ask his mother for "nummies," his word for breast-feeding, Paul said. "We've had conversations about what it tastes like and he says it's very sweet," like vanilla ice cream, Paul said.

She is happy with the choice she made, she said, but she would never force it on somebody else.

"All I'm trying to do is let people know that it does happen, that it is perfectly normal," she said.

How Old Is Too Old?

She has a point. The average age of weaning around the world is 4 years old and there are no studies saying it is harmful. But child psychologist Will Braun said he isn't so sure and he wonders whether it's appropriate from a developmental standpoint.

"I think a child really needs to learn to develop the capacity to soothe oneself, the capacity to tolerate frustration," he said. "When a child is constantly given a breast, it might thwart that from happening."

'Extra Bonding'

Paul said her decision to continue breast-feeding is in her children's best interest.

"I've never done it for my own reasons. Yes, there are some wonderful benefits for moms, but I consider them bonuses," she said. "I've never done it for myself, unless you consider having a wonderful relationship with my kids, you know, as being something selfish to do for myself. ... But I don't think that is. It's always been for them."

Paul's older children -- Morgan, 12, and Siobhan, 9 -- were each breast-fed until age 6, and they appear to be well-adjusted and happy. They're good students, have plenty of friends and were eager to reminisce about the "good old" days of breast-feeding.

Morgan remembers saying, "Can I pleeeease&" and her mom saying, "OK. Fine."

Paul said she's heard other parents complain about how distant their children are, especially the boys.

"They come home from school and you ask how their day was and all you get is a 'fine' as they walk back to their room and slam the door shut. ... They can't talk to them about anything," she said.

But she said her children are different.

"They're very loving, very close children. I can still talk to my older son and have long, lengthy conversations cuddled up on the couch with him. He will on his own accord, if we're watching a movie, come and sit down next to me and rest his head on my shoulder, put his arm over my shoulder, come talk to me about whatever's bothering him at school," she said.

"I really feel that there is an extra bonding or attachment there that I would like to think that because he nursed until he was 6, that there was some more closeness there ... that you get when you're able to have him in your arms for a longer period of time," she said. "My daughter's the same way. Very much so."

When Siobhan sees Tiernan with their mother, she said, she wishes she could still do it sometimes.

"But I'm getting older and I'm just happy to see them doing it," she said.

But it's not just Paul's older children who say it is all right that Tiernan still breast-feeds. Her husband said it's no problem, too.

Sexual? Developmental? 'I Compartmentalize It'

Paul said she is able to distinguish between being her children's comfort object and being a sexual partner for her husband.

"I compartmentalize it," she said. "When I'm with my children and they need to nurse, then I'm mom. When I'm in the bedroom with my husband, I'm his wife and we have our intimate time. It's very much, they're two totally separate things."

'There's Nothing Wrong With This'

Though their children seem happy now, some may ask late breast-feeding moms whether they're doing what nature intended or taking a good thing too far. With no long-term studies, the jury's still out.

"Who wouldn't want to stay with mother's love, mother's nourishment, for their entire life?" Braun said. "It's a very seductive pull. But I think a mother's main job is to work herself out of a job."

Despite getting some negative feedback from people who disapprove of her choice to continue breast-feeding, Paul said she is not going to stop. She said she believes she is giving her son the best start she can in life.

"I'm comforting him, and when he's ready he'll quit," she said.

Paul said she hopes that more women will choose to breast-feed their children past infancy.

"This is a wonderful way to parent and nurture our children and give them the start that they deserve in life," she said. "You know, in other places in the world this is perfectly normal. There's nothing wrong with this and there isn't anything wrong with it. We just aren't used to seeing it in this country."
__________________

__________________
MrsSpringsteen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2009, 01:05 PM   #77
BVS
Blue Crack Supplier
 
BVS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: between my head and heart
Posts: 40,684
Local Time: 11:59 PM
I can't see how this isn't harmful to a child of that age's development...
__________________

__________________
BVS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2009, 01:44 PM   #78
Blue Crack Addict
 
MrsSpringsteen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 24,984
Local Time: 12:59 AM

I'm just wondering if dreadsox calls them "nummies"
__________________
MrsSpringsteen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2009, 04:51 PM   #79
Blue Crack Addict
 
DreamOutLoud13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Hell For Certain, Kentucky
Posts: 15,088
Local Time: 11:59 PM
Okay, here's my two cents:

Breastfeeding is perfectly natural and the healthiest and best way to feed a baby. I was breastfed. If I ever had kids, I would breastfeed. I think more women should get over the 'omg a baby at my boob is grooooss' idea and breastfeed.

And when a mother is in public and her baby wants to nurse, she should nurse her baby. She shouldn't be forced to hide or seclude herself in a separate room, or just stay home, or pump beforehand so she can bottle-feed the baby instead.

Yes, women can (and many do) throw a baby blanket over their shoulder to cover the 'process'. The blanket doesn't actually make contact with the baby's face, so it's not cruel in that way, it just forms a tent around the baby and the mother's chest/arms. I think this is a very good, easy solution. But if for whatever reason, this is unfeasible/uncomfortable for the mother and the baby, there are loads of solutions that allow a woman to nurse her baby unencumbered, without exposing anything at all.

Look at these two images from a site that sells specially made clothes for nursing mothers:



You can hardly tell she's nursing at all. At a glance, it just looks like she's holding the baby. Nothing is exposed. A nursing baby takes the entire nipple and areola into its mouth. The nursing tops come with a covered slit, allowing the baby access. The slit can then be closed around the rest of the breast, covering everything that the baby's mouth isn't covering.

I can certainly see where people might be uncomfortable by a nursing mother having her whole boob hanging out, but honestly... it may be the natural way to nurse a baby, but in this society, any woman that does that in public probably wants the attention it will bring her. (And yes, that's my controversial statement for this post, here, have two more cents just for that)

There's no reason why a breastfeeding mother shouldn't buy a couple of nursing tops for use when she's out in public. They're no more expensive than other nice clothes, and they look perfectly stylish.
__________________
DreamOutLoud13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2009, 04:59 PM   #80
Refugee
 
AliEnvy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 2,320
Local Time: 05:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsSpringsteen View Post
Paul said she's heard other parents complain about how distant their children are, especially the boys.

"They come home from school and you ask how their day was and all you get is a 'fine' as they walk back to their room and slam the door shut. ... They can't talk to them about anything," she said.

But she said her children are different.

"They're very loving, very close children. I can still talk to my older son and have long, lengthy conversations cuddled up on the couch with him. He will on his own accord, if we're watching a movie, come and sit down next to me and rest his head on my shoulder, put his arm over my shoulder, come talk to me about whatever's bothering him at school," she said.
One thing is for sure, that kid will get laid all he wants when he comes of age.
__________________
AliEnvy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2009, 05:11 PM   #81
Blue Crack Distributor
 
VintagePunk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: In a dry and waterless place
Posts: 55,732
Local Time: 12:59 AM
Justification much? Um, you don't need to breastfeed a child till they're 6 years old to have a close relationship with them.
__________________
VintagePunk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2009, 05:23 PM   #82
ONE
love, blood, life
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 10,881
Local Time: 12:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsSpringsteen View Post
I'm just wondering if dreadsox calls them "nummies"
Wouldn't you like to know

Breastfeeding has not hurt me at all
__________________
Dreadsox is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2009, 05:28 PM   #83
ONE
love, blood, life
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 10,881
Local Time: 12:59 AM
Facebook Bans Photos ------

YouTube - Breastfeeding Photos Pulled

Now I know there is a breast feeding thread out there...actually a few of them. But I fail to understand how they can do this when there are other, very naughty groups on Facebook that children are able to access verses my own personal photos.

So help we out. What is the deal, and should Facebook censor my own personal photos, that only people I allow to view, when they have public groups involving sexual things that any child can access.

While we are at it, why aren't parents responsible for setting up access privelages for their children? My kids cannot even access Facebook.
__________________
Dreadsox is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2009, 05:31 PM   #84
Blue Crack Addict
 
MrsSpringsteen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 24,984
Local Time: 12:59 AM
I had the first breast post of 09

Give it up
__________________
MrsSpringsteen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2009, 05:32 PM   #85
Blue Crack Addict
 
MrsSpringsteen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 24,984
Local Time: 12:59 AM
__________________
MrsSpringsteen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2009, 05:33 PM   #86
Blue Crack Addict
 
anitram's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: NY
Posts: 16,290
Local Time: 12:59 AM
There is a bit of a misconception here.

FB did not ban or censor breastfeeding photos. They put a ban on all photos that show women's nipples. Some breastfeeding photos fall under that umbrella, but FB's intent here was not to censor images of breastfeeding. This is, however, the story that's being told since it's a lot sexier in the media, and a lot easier to produce massive outrage from all quarters who haven't bothered to actually look at the policy in effect.

Beyond that, FB is horrible with privacy issues, so this is really the least of any of our problems on there. They routinely surrender private information to just about anybody who asks for it based on a legit reason. I can tell you from a friend who works at a personal injury law firm that one of the first things in a drunk driving civil suit that the lawyers will ask for are all photos of the accused from FB. They are routinely surrendered, and the more of you double fisting drinks, the better.

People are a little silly with their FB content anyway. If you have something there that you wouldn't want your employer to see, for heaven's sake, remove it.
__________________
anitram is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-02-2009, 05:35 PM   #87
Blue Crack Addict
 
MrsSpringsteen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 24,984
Local Time: 12:59 AM
__________________
MrsSpringsteen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2009, 07:28 AM   #88
The Fly
 
OceanGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 256
Local Time: 03:29 PM
Quote:
I've never been a nursing mother, but it seems a little far fetched that if she doesn't breast feed every 2 or 3 hours that she'll be in pain. If that's true, then she must never sleep for longer amounts of time than that
Her baby is still very young. It is very possible that her breasts WILL become engorged after going for that long without feeding. The milk doesn't just disappear - it keeps building up and building up and if you don't feed or express the excess milk, it DOES hurt and CAN lead to mastitis, which often needs to be treated with antibiotics.

Quote:
I was thinking of the news story where the mothers had a nurse in protest at an Applebee's after one woman was asked to cover her breast- and therefore the baby's head- with a towel. She said it was cruel to the baby. I disagree. Nursing mothers in public are not ok IMO and if they are, might as well let every girl and woman expose their breasts in the mall. I know a lot of people who nurse and they squeeze the milk into bottles for when they have to be in public. I don't want to sound rude but it's gross. I don't want to be in a resturant and see some woman's boob getting sucked, which is essentially what it is. How is a kid sitting in that resturant seeing a naked boob like this okay and not in a Playboy? It's still there, and doesn't belong in public view, sorry. Bring a bottle or cover with a towel in the name of decency.


I seriously hope you are joking. Breasts are for feeding babies! If you don't like it, don't look. Simple.

Quote:
Maybe somebody here who has breastfed can comment on the timing of it (is it doable in 45 minutes with a quick lunch), because I really have no way to evaluate
At that age, 45 minutes would probably have been JUST enough time to breastfeed my babies. I'd probably need twice that to express milk because I don't find it very easy.

Quote:
Me too, of course it's natural, but it's not okay to be seen in public, other womens' husbands, little kids, old people, etc. I don't see a problem with covering up with a towel, if you MUST do it in public and not at home, and not use a pump and bottle. If it was raining, or cold, or if the sun was in the baby's eyes, you'd cover his head up just walking down the street, so why is it 'tramatizing' to cover up while he's nursing? The baby sucks with its eyes closed anyway. I think covering is a good compromise.
1. I'm sure 'other womens' husbands' would have no problem with seeing a woman breastfeeding in public. Most men would see it for what it is and completely understand, especially if their wives have breastfed their own children.
2. I would have thought most normal people would teach their kids that breasts are for feeding babies, so I don't see any problem with children seeing a woman breastfeeding.
3. If it's cold or sunny, I put a HAT (you know, those things people wear on their heads?) on my baby - not a TOWEL. Do you put a towel over your head when you eat or drink???
__________________
OceanGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2009, 09:27 AM   #89
ONE
love, blood, life
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 10,881
Local Time: 12:59 AM
I sort of did not want my breast feeding thread lumped in here. My thread was supposed to be about facebook, and users rights. Since as a user I have the right to NOT allow people to see my page by denying thier ability to see my Wall and Photos, why is this an issue? I guess because it had the word Breast, it had to go in here.
__________________
Dreadsox is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2009, 12:00 PM   #90
Blue Crack Addict
 
anitram's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: NY
Posts: 16,290
Local Time: 12:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreadsox View Post
Since as a user I have the right to NOT allow people to see my page by denying thier ability to see my Wall and Photos, why is this an issue? I guess because it had the word Breast, it had to go in here.
Because the vast majority of FB users do not restrict access to their profile photos, which is what the issue here was initially - people posting what FB considered to be "lewd" photos in their profiles.

Additionally, not everybody restricts access to their walls or photos. Since FB does not mandate this privacy setting, what you choose to do as a single user is pretty irrelevant to the big picture.
__________________

__________________
anitram is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:59 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com