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Old 03-25-2014, 10:57 AM   #46
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there really isn't a judgement in calling something "heteronormative." most things in life are, and that's fine.

but it's also well and good to point out that, yes, there are certain assumptions in our language, and yes those assumptions exclude people, and it's important to examine the bias encoded into our language.

but, hey, it's all okay. most minorities are aware that they are as such, and generally ok with it.
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Old 03-25-2014, 01:54 PM   #47
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If there are so many repercussions into being homosexual and heterosexual, then I believe that the ideal solution is to be bisexual.

Try out two at a time and get the best of both worlds, that way everybody will be happy.
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Old 03-25-2014, 02:34 PM   #48
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How about trisexual*?

 
*willing to try anything
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Old 03-25-2014, 02:53 PM   #49
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If there are so many repercussions into being homosexual and heterosexual, then I believe that the ideal solution is to be bisexual.

Try out two at a time and get the best of both worlds, that way everybody will be happy.
You raise a valid point. When people ask about my sexuality I usually answer that I don't discriminate based on gender. Gives you a lot of odd looks until they understand what you mean.

But I guess that means I don't fit either this or the gay thread completely. Shite, I'm left out once again!
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And if U2 EVER did Hawkmoon live....and the version from the Lovetown Tour, my uterus would leave my body and fling itself at Bono - for realz.
Don't worry baby, it's gonna be all right. Uncertainty can be a guiding light...
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Old 03-25-2014, 03:43 PM   #50
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A lot of gender researchers use the model of the Kinsey scale. It's a spectrum with being attracted to only the opposite sex or only the same at the other, and most people fall somewhere between either end. The Kinsey Institute - Kinsey Sexuality Rating Scale
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Old 03-25-2014, 04:53 PM   #51
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this is a very good, very comprehensive article about bisexuality by an incomparable journalist. fascinating.


Quote:
The Scientific Quest to Prove Bisexuality Exists
By BENOIT DENIZET-LEWISMARCH 20, 2014

[...]

Hoping to offer bisexuals a supportive community in 2010, Lawrence became the head organizer for amBi, a bisexual social group in Los Angeles. “All kinds of people show up to our events,” he told me. “There are older bi folks, kids who say they ‘don’t need any labels,’ transgender people — because many trans people also identify as bi. At our events, people can be themselves. They can be out.”

“Though most bisexuals don’t come out,” Sylla said. “Most bisexuals are in convenient opposite-sex relationships and aren’t open about their sexual orientation. Why would you be open, when there is so much biphobia?”

Spend any time hanging around bisexual activists, and you’ll hear a great deal about biphobia. You’ll also hear about bi erasure, the idea that bisexuality is systematically minimized and dismissed. This is especially vexing to bisexual activists, who point to a 2011 report by the Williams Institute — a policy center specializing in L.G.B.T. demographics — that reviewed 11 surveys and found that “among adults who identify as L.G.B., bisexuals comprise a slight majority.” In one of the larger surveys reviewed by the institute (a 2009 study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine), 3.1 percent of American adults identified as bisexual, while 2.5 percent identified as gay or lesbian. (In most surveys, the institute found that women were “substantially more likely than men to identify as bisexual.”)

Then there’s the tricky matter of identity versus behavior. Joe Kort, a Michigan-based sex therapist whose next book is about straight-identified men who are married but who also have sex with men, says that “many never tell anyone about their bisexual experiences, for fear of losing relationships or having their reputation hurt. Consequently, they’re an invisible group of men. We know very little about them.”

Bisexuals are so unlikely to be out about their orientation — in a 2013 Pew Research Survey, only 28 percent of people who identified as bisexual said they were open about it — that the San Francisco Human Rights Commission recently called them “an invisible majority” in need of resources and support.

But in the eyes of many Americans, bisexuality — despite occasional and exaggerated media reports of its chicness — remains a bewildering and potentially invented orientation favored by men in denial about their homosexuality and by women who will inevitably settle down with men. Studies have found that straight-identified people have more negative attitudes about bisexuals (especially bisexual men) than they do about gays and lesbians, but A.I.B.’s board members insist that some of the worst discrimination and minimization comes from the gay community.

[...]
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Old 03-25-2014, 05:41 PM   #52
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Funny how it's unlikely to be out there, total different situation where I live. Most females I know that like other females aren't gay but bi, and funnily enough a lot of girls in my uni friend group are. When we became friends we had no idea about that, but after me and my ex girlfriend came out, slowly the others started to admit it too. A couple are in a straight relationship now, admitting they had girlfriends in the past and are open to it, and others are in a gay relationship or single. And nobody seems to mind anything.

It's kinda mad that stuff is so accepted over here, yet so controversial across the pond. Though I'm sure there are certain circles over here where it wouldn't be so easily accepted.
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And if U2 EVER did Hawkmoon live....and the version from the Lovetown Tour, my uterus would leave my body and fling itself at Bono - for realz.
Don't worry baby, it's gonna be all right. Uncertainty can be a guiding light...
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Old 03-25-2014, 05:52 PM   #53
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It's kinda mad that stuff is so accepted over here, yet so controversial across the pond. Though I'm sure there are certain circles over here where it wouldn't be so easily accepted.

to be fair -- this is a very big place, 310m people, many in rural areas. a more apt comparison would be Amsterdam to San Francisco, LA, or NYC rather than the country as a whole. and you're young.

i do admit, it does seem to be that the boys who identify as bi wind up gay, and the girls who identify as bi wind up with a guy. when i've met men who identify as bi, the general assumption is that he's just not comfortable admitting he's gay. gay men have slept with (and been married to) women forever, and i know a few gay guys who have slept with girls, usually at her request because she wants someone safe to have sex with.

for me, this underscores the strong emotional pull of sexual orientation. it's not just about who you are capable of having sex with, but who you are capable of creating a physical and emotional relationship with over a long period of time. so it's not so much that you're a gay man because you find women repulsive, it's because you find men emotionally and physically attractive. and it's not so much that you're bi because you can fuck either gender, but because you can form emotional and physical bonds with either gender.

it's a slippery thing -- i certainly can't speak for bisexuals. sure, like most gay guys, it was a bridge identity for me, lasted about 18 months, and then it was like, "who am i kidding?"
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Old 03-25-2014, 06:18 PM   #54
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That's very true, and yeah I do live in a relatively big city and study in Amsterdam so it's probably different in different parts of the country as well.

Hm I never really thought of it much, but if I recall I don't think I know any guys who identified themselves as bi. A couple gay ones, and I know a few have kissed with guys to try it out or in a drunken stupor, but not specific bi. It is kind of an odd thing. Then again, it's still more socially accepted somehow for females to be gay rather than males. That whole yuck factor bullshite. It's just so damn hypocritical.

For me it was confusing for a while, cause, you know, you grow up with the idea you're straight, then at a certain point I fell for a girl, then it was kinda confusing to figure out where the difference is if I'm gay or bi. I just didn't know. I always thought I was straight and liked guys and stuff, then I fell for a girl and it all felt different. But after her I fell for a guy again so I figured I just don't have a specific preference. I do have a closer bond with most females though, but from what I've discussed with my best friend(who is also bi and was the first girl I ever fancied, ha) that preference does differ between different people. But there always seems to be one kind of preference. It's an intriguing subject, that's for sure.
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And if U2 EVER did Hawkmoon live....and the version from the Lovetown Tour, my uterus would leave my body and fling itself at Bono - for realz.
Don't worry baby, it's gonna be all right. Uncertainty can be a guiding light...
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Old 03-25-2014, 06:22 PM   #55
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I'm going to go start a white chicks thread.
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Old 03-28-2014, 02:49 AM   #56
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like most gay guys, it was a bridge identity for me, lasted about 18 months, and then it was like, "who am i kidding?"
But you still liked the boobs, right?
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Old 03-28-2014, 04:48 AM   #57
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Have to admit, that is one thing I've always wondered about. But I keep forgetting to ask the gay guys I know. Do boobs have the same effect on them as with straight men(and most women, contrary to popular belief they do look), or is it a meh factor?
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And if U2 EVER did Hawkmoon live....and the version from the Lovetown Tour, my uterus would leave my body and fling itself at Bono - for realz.
Don't worry baby, it's gonna be all right. Uncertainty can be a guiding light...
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Old 03-28-2014, 08:23 AM   #58
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But you still liked the boobs, right?


They are strange, fascinating objects.
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Old 03-28-2014, 08:25 AM   #59
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Have to admit, that is one thing I've always wondered about. But I keep forgetting to ask the gay guys I know. Do boobs have the same effect on them as with straight men(and most women, contrary to popular belief they do look), or is it a meh factor?


You can appreciate something's aesthetic value without it being a sexual turn on. FWIW, I much prefer smaller, natural breasts on a woman than big old fakies, but the response is aesthetic not sexual.
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Old 03-28-2014, 08:50 AM   #60
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I'm with year there. I'm not a big fan of fake tits, but some can look pretty good. I prefer natural breasts. Size doesn't matter.
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