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Old 06-13-2008, 09:15 AM   #16
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I think it is healthier to be fooling around when your 14, having sex when your 16 and continuing to have sex the rest of your life than to be watching porn until you get married and not having any frames of reference for intimacy with your long term partner.

Something in between these two extremes sounds a lot healthier.
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Old 06-13-2008, 09:24 AM   #17
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I don't think that sounds like an extreme, maybe on the leading tail of a bell curve but not out of the ordinary (12 on the other hand...).
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Old 06-13-2008, 10:12 AM   #18
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When boys start pledging it to their mothers maybe it will be a bit less disturbing somehow..


i would have rather stuck thumbtacks in my eyeballs.
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Old 06-13-2008, 11:00 AM   #19
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I genuinely do find this virginity cult disturbing.

I think that it is perpetuating an archaic notion of purity that is invariably aimed more at girls than boys and is deeply tied up to certain religions beliefs.

I think that sex is a part of most peoples human experience, I think that the only way to develop "normally" is with experience.

I think it is healthier to be fooling around when your 14, having sex when your 16 and continuing to have sex the rest of your life than to be watching porn until you get married and not having any frames of reference for intimacy with your long term partner.

Watching footage of proud twenty something virgins really disturbs me. Adults who have been conditioned to hold the ideal of sex as something transcendent but are going to be so disappointed when they realise their first time sucks because they are uncomfortable with sexuality. They are genuine perverts.
Maybe they feel it's "transcendent" because of what it means to them in other ways other than how it feels physically. The first time can certainly suck for anyone, even someone who is most comfortable with sexuality. There are many aspects to it being sucky.

It's not all about mechanics, so one is not necessarily a "pervert" for having certain attitudes about it. That seems rather judgmental to me. Plenty of people with plenty of sexual experience are far from normal when it comes to sexuality.
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Old 06-13-2008, 01:43 PM   #20
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I never made a pledge or anything like that, I don't care what other people do behind closed doors and I have no real moral issues with pre-marrital sex. I don't think it's so black and white that as a teen you either choose to have sex or you don't. I guess for me, I waited until I felt the right opportunity presented itself. It's not something I put much thought into at all and now looking back it seems ridiculous that people are making judgments about others being perverts or uncomfortable with their sexuality because they chose to do this or that. Who cares?

I know a lot of twenty-something virgins that are virgins simply because they were too busy doing things like sports and working during high school and taking college very seriously to even want to commit to a relationship at that time. These people are in no way uncomfortable with sexuality or perverted, they do not have moral or religious reasons for abstaining (quite the contrary)....having sex just for the sake of having it was simply not a priority.
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Old 06-13-2008, 02:02 PM   #21
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I don't think that sounds like an extreme, maybe on the leading tail of a bell curve but not out of the ordinary (12 on the other hand...).
Why not 12? What age is a smart one to begin sexual experimentation? Age is but a number. It all comes down to the maturity of the person in question. If they do not feel that they could handle the emotional stress of a relationship, then why should sex become part of the equation? Honestly, I don't even think most 16 year olds could handle that, let alone at 14.

This really isn't one of your finer arguments. You're no better than those "virgin cultists". You're just generalizing a different crowd while putting peer pressure on the other.
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Old 06-13-2008, 02:23 PM   #22
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I know a lot of twenty-something virgins that are virgins simply because they were too busy doing things like sports and working during high school and taking college very seriously to even want to commit to a relationship at that time. These people are in no way uncomfortable with sexuality or perverted, they do not have moral or religious reasons for abstaining (quite the contrary)....having sex just for the sake of having it was simply not a priority.


and this, to me, is a heckuva smarter way to encourage kids not to have sex than to make them pledge purity to their fathers, and it's the line i'd take with my theoretical children. "don't complicate your life in high school, you have enough going on right now without making it even more complicated or giving you something else to worry about -- focus on you and being the best you can be and doing the best you can, so that you're that much better prepared for a good experience when the right time comes. you have your whole life to have sex, keep your teenage years as fun and problem-free as you possibly can."

i am glad i didn't have sex in high school. i really am.
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Old 06-13-2008, 02:59 PM   #23
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I know a lot of twenty-something virgins that are virgins simply because they were too busy doing things like sports and working during high school and taking college very seriously to even want to commit to a relationship at that time. These people are in no way uncomfortable with sexuality or perverted, they do not have moral or religious reasons for abstaining (quite the contrary)....having sex just for the sake of having it was simply not a priority.

True! That's the most true thing I've heard all day. That's what happened with a majority of my friends. We were just focused on other things and ended up not doing it simply because it didn't come up. We didn't dwell on it, but we also weren't opposed to it. We just didn't want to have sex for the sake of having it ... true. I can speak for myself in saying I don't look down on anyone for having sex just for the sake of having it, but some people just didn't feel like that was the thing to do for themselves.
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Old 06-13-2008, 03:09 PM   #24
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i am glad i didn't have sex in high school. i really am.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't. I wasn't emotionally mature enough at 16. I was smart about it though, and it didn't affect my school work or anything. I graduated 10th in my class and had a 3.9 GPA. I got a full scholarship to college, so I never let it distract me from what was really important. I never looked at it as something I had to do, but something I wanted to do. In a sense, I was ready, but as I said with the emotional roller coaster we're all on at that age, I think I let superficial feelings get in the way.
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Old 06-13-2008, 03:35 PM   #25
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i guess i just had a lot of homework and swim practice.

and, strangely, at the time, trying to make it with a girl just didn't seem all that important ...
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Old 06-13-2008, 03:39 PM   #26
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i guess i just had a lot of homework and swim practice.
Homework, working, gymnastics (not that I was any good, but gymnasts are not allowed to eat, have friends, or boyfriends ), AND all the boys were so icky....omg, just the thought of even cuddling with one of them still turns my stomach!
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Old 06-13-2008, 03:54 PM   #27
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I never made a pledge or anything like that, I don't care what other people do behind closed doors and I have no real moral issues with pre-marrital sex. I don't think it's so black and white that as a teen you either choose to have sex or you don't. I guess for me, I waited until I felt the right opportunity presented itself. It's not something I put much thought into at all and now looking back it seems ridiculous that people are making judgments about others being perverts or uncomfortable with their sexuality because they chose to do this or that. Who cares?

I know a lot of twenty-something virgins that are virgins simply because they were too busy doing things like sports and working during high school and taking college very seriously to even want to commit to a relationship at that time. These people are in no way uncomfortable with sexuality or perverted, they do not have moral or religious reasons for abstaining (quite the contrary)....having sex just for the sake of having it was simply not a priority.
That is such an excellent post. If teens are encouraged to build their sense of self and self esteem through goals and activities, then they're not so reliant on the need to develop it through an intense (and often sexual) relationship with another person. I see the former with my daughter and many of her friends. Looking back, I fell into the latter category, although at the time, I would have sworn that it was what I wanted, and that is was on my own terms. Hindsight, and all that.

Self worth really does need to be intrinsic, but for young teens having sex, this is nearly impossible, or at the very least, delayed until much later.
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Old 06-13-2008, 04:05 PM   #28
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Why thank you VP. Another thing I should have added to that post is that there are a LOT of ways to be sexual and intimate without actual penetration. Geez, like I should even have to say that! Assuming that someone is inexperienced and uncomfortable with sexuality simply because they stayed a virgin until twenty-something is quite a stretch. While I'm sure that's true for some (yes I know them too), that's definitely not true of myself and people I know. Again, not everyone runs out to start having sex just for the sake of trying it. If kids feel they need to jump right to sex in order to experiment sexually and be intimate, THEY are the inexperienced ones.
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Old 06-13-2008, 06:47 PM   #29
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I don't think that sounds like an extreme, maybe on the leading tail of a bell curve but not out of the ordinary (12 on the other hand...).
I can't imagine how being sexually active at 14 for a girl in the Western world (where you don't have cultural issues like very early marriage, etc) would be a great thing. It's not going to be fantastic physically, and frankly at that age, I don't care who you are, you're better off abstaining.

I don't consider sex to be something holy and so I don't see much point in making a pledge like this. That said, I think that some ages are too young for it to be a good idea.
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Old 06-14-2008, 03:09 AM   #30
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Why thank you VP. Another thing I should have added to that post is that there are a LOT of ways to be sexual and intimate without actual penetration. Geez, like I should even have to say that! Assuming that someone is inexperienced and uncomfortable with sexuality simply because they stayed a virgin until twenty-something is quite a stretch. While I'm sure that's true for some (yes I know them too), that's definitely not true of myself and people I know. Again, not everyone runs out to start having sex just for the sake of trying it. If kids feel they need to jump right to sex in order to experiment sexually and be intimate, THEY are the inexperienced ones.
QFT. You have a very mature outlook on this topic.
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