RI School Bans Father Daughter Dances

[Caleb8844]

I have no idea what that is

 

[corianderstem]

Be glad.

And it bears noting, before someone suggests I hate virgins ( ) - there is nothing wrong with a young woman wanting to remain a virgin until marriage. That's not the questionable part.

 

[Caleb8844]

Oh Jesus. I regret googling that.

Edit: O wow, I just found out one of my closest friends participated in one of these things...

 

[corianderstem]

Oh dear.

I Googled it myself to make sure I wasn't remembering it incorrectly.

I wasn't.

Nothing like a ceremony putting a woman's worth on her virginity. And that it's all on her - no mention of the male half of the sex equation - it's all on her to remain pure! And if she slips, or changes her mind, she's broken her vow to her daddy! Ick.

 

[Caleb8844]

The parallels to a wedding are disconcerting, to say the least.

 

[beegee]

I'm surprised by all the horror over the idea.

Are any of you parents?

I'm a parent and I'm surprised too.

 

[Axver]

I'm surprised by all the horror over the idea.

Are any of you parents?

Fortunately not! (For both my sake and that of a hypothetical child.) Like I said, though, if I had a daughter, no way would I be caught dead dancing with her.

I didn't grow up in a culture of dancing though and can't dance at all myself, so maybe it's just something that I don't understand? Does dancing always have a sexual connotation that would then make it creepy for parents and children to do together?

cori got to this point before me, so I don't really have too much to add. I don't think dancing has to have a sexual connotation, but to me it's typically something you do with your peers. Now, I don't really dance, so I can't talk too much here. The only time you'll catch me dancing is at concerts, badly but enthusiastically, and that's an individual thing or moshing (and sweaty little bandrooms are a long way from what we're discussing here). I just know that if I were at some sort of formal dance event and saw a father dancing with his daughter or a mother dancing with her son, I'd find it very bizarre and awkward.

Be glad.

And it bears noting, before someone suggests I hate virgins ( ) - there is nothing wrong with a young woman wanting to remain a virgin until marriage. That's not the questionable part.

Nothing wrong, per se, but something very strange, if you ask me (and I apply this equally to men).

Though yeah, that's not the questionable part.

 

[anitram]

I'm surprised by all the horror over the idea.

Are any of you parents?

Are you a daughter?

 

[Pearl]

Nothing like a ceremony putting a woman's worth on her virginity. And that it's all on her - no mention of the male half of the sex equation - it's all on her to remain pure! And if she slips, or changes her mind, she's broken her vow to her daddy! Ick.

Exactly, where is the male equivalent, where the boys make a vow to mommy? Either way, it is icky that a child would do this. Its like their parents now own their bodies and sexuality.

 

[maycocksean]

Are you a daughter?

No, but I bet she is:

I'm a parent and I'm surprised too.

My point was that from a parent's perspective, it might not seem so weird. That it might seem weird to the daughter (or son) is self-evident from the comments in the thread--I get that.

 

[maycocksean]

I just know that if I were at some sort of formal dance event and saw a father dancing with his daughter or a mother dancing with her son, I'd find it very bizarre and awkward.

Except for wedding receptions right?

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I'm not a parent and I think it's a very sweet idea. The only reason it would have bothered me is that my father is, well. If I had a good one I think I would have felt differently. That's why I said I wouldn't have wanted to do it.

I don't think 17 year olds are going to these dances. Maybe 12, 13, 14. I have no idea. Yes, what about dancing with your father (or mother) at your wedding?

Purity balls are an entirely different matter. And I don't think movies have any relation to the reality of a father daughter dance. Who would go see it otherwise?

 

[deep]

they just canceled the dances

the father-daughter slumber parties are still on

 

[INDY500]

By NBC News staff

“This is 2012 and they [public schools] should not be in the business of fostering blatant gender stereotypes,” Steven Brown of the Rhode Island ACLU told WPRO News.

That's what I'm on about !!

Father and daughter are now "blatant gender stereotypes." Bride and groom interchangable.

Firsts Demi Moore I saw.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

It has nothing to do with bride and groom being "interchangable",but keep whistling that tune-I guess.

That's actually a different thread too

If that's really still floating your boat. NFL Today is on, more enjoyable

 

[Axver]

Except for wedding receptions right?

Asking me about anything to do with weddings is like asking somebody in Tonga about today's weather in Helsinki.

 

[cobl04]

Tonga

It's Academic!

 

[Axver]

That's gone straight over my head, I'm afraid.

 

[cobl04]

tonga - YouTube

 

[Axver]

tonga - YouTube

How had I not seen that one before! "The Murrumbidgee."

 

[anitram]

Asking me about anything to do with weddings is like asking somebody in Tonga about today's weather in Helsinki.

Speaking of weddings - when we were considering where/how to get married, we were pretty floored by the Catholic priest who told us that the Catholic Church has a strong preference that brides are not walked down the aisle by their fathers. In fact it is opposed to such a practice but many/most parish priests don't see it as a fight worth having so they let it go. The Church's position is that women are not chattels to be given away by the patriarch (or by both parents - such a practice is also opposed). Rather, they advocate that the couple comes down the aisle together, either alone or accompanied by close family/the wedding party. The priest either waits at the altar or greets them at the entrance to the church and then walks up with them.

Interesting given the Church's generally terribly backwards ways when it comes to gender.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Speaking of weddings - when we were considering where/how to get married, we were pretty floored by the Catholic priest who told us that the Catholic Church has a strong preference that brides are not walked down the aisle by their fathers. In fact it is opposed to such a practice but many/most parish priests don't see it as a fight worth having so they let it go. The Church's position is that women are not chattels to be given away by the patriarch (or by both parents - such a practice is also opposed). Rather, they advocate that the couple comes down the aisle together, either alone or accompanied by close family/the wedding party. The priest either waits at the altar or greets them at the entrance to the church and then walks up with them.

Interesting given the Church's generally terribly backwards ways when it comes to gender.

I don't like that whole "giving away" thing. But that's probably more of a symbolic step by the church, like changing the "he" to gender neutral terms. I haven't been to a Catholic wedding in so long that I wasn't even aware of that. They only started having female altar "boys".. I don't remember how many years ago.

I like the idea of coming down the aisle together, I suppose some brides would feel robbed of the big reveal/ singular focus attention moment. If you're into that sort of thing.

 

[Pearl]

Speaking of weddings - when we were considering where/how to get married, we were pretty floored by the Catholic priest who told us that the Catholic Church has a strong preference that brides are not walked down the aisle by their fathers. In fact it is opposed to such a practice but many/most parish priests don't see it as a fight worth having so they let it go. The Church's position is that women are not chattels to be given away by the patriarch (or by both parents - such a practice is also opposed). Rather, they advocate that the couple comes down the aisle together, either alone or accompanied by close family/the wedding party. The priest either waits at the altar or greets them at the entrance to the church and then walks up with them.

Interesting given the Church's generally terribly backwards ways when it comes to gender.

Really? My two sisters were given away by our dad at their weddings and I haven't heard of any of my Catholic friends and family not being told to arrive at the altar with the groom. Is this a Canadian thing or did you hear it here in New York?

I do agree that women should not be given away at weddings because it does make it sound like women are property. I also don't believe in wearing a veil over the face because the groom knows who he is marrying, so the veil part is ridiculous.

 

[anitram]

Really? My two sisters were given away by our dad at their weddings and I haven't heard of any of my Catholic friends and family not being told to arrive at the altar with the groom. Is this a Canadian thing or did you hear it here in New York?

We were told this in Toronto but we were also given a cathechism publication that explained it. I've actually looked it up online and there are numerous references to it (from mostly American Catholic websites) so I do think that it is legitimate, just not commonly practiced.

Here is an excerpt from Together for Life (a Catholic org):

Some of these traditions come from a time period in societal culture when marriage was treated as a contract between families and the transfer of wealth and property played an important role. “Giving away of the bride” ritualized this contract. In this light, you can see how the tradition of the father escorting his daughter to her groom may have developed.

Catholics, however, believe that the bride and groom give themselves to each other as equal partners, and as one, they give themselves and in a very particular way their marriage to God. That is why the rite directs the bride and groom to walk in together or to be escorted by both their parents. This is a practice you hardly see, but it is the preferred practice according to the Church’s teaching about the Sacrament of Marriage.

Does this mean it would be inappropriate to go with tradition? Not necessarily. Parents play a major role in our lives, and sharing this moment with them is a gift. But there are ways to blend tradition with what the rite asks for. For example, the groom might walk in first with his mother and/or father, followed later by the bride with her father and/or mother. Discussing these options with your family and parish ministers will also give you some valuable time to reflect on the role your family has had in your relationship and maybe even help mend divisions.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

You can just wear the veil back and not cover your face. I love veils, I think they're beautiful. Especially a mantilla. That's the only thing I'm into at all about weddings-the dress.

 

[Pearl]

We were told this in Toronto but we were also given a cathechism publication that explained it. I've actually looked it up online and there are numerous references to it (from mostly American Catholic websites) so I do think that it is legitimate, just not commonly practiced.

Here is an excerpt from Together for Life (a Catholic org):

Wow, that is something. It is also refreshing to hear, and also odd because, like you said, the Catholic Church isn't very kind to women.

MrsS, I do like the veils in the back too, but it is the one over the face that I am against. Far too old-fashioned when you really get down to it.

 

[Jive Turkey]

Asking me about anything to do with weddings is like asking somebody in Tonga about today's weather in Helsinki.

Dennis Miller, ladies and gentlemen!

 

[Irvine511]

The Church's position is that women are not chattels to be given away by the patriarch (or by both parents - such a practice is also opposed). Rather, they advocate that the couple comes down the aisle together, either alone or accompanied by close family/the wedding party.

the Catholic Church is basically saying that gender doesn't matter. a couple coming down an aisle together? we're one but not the same, guys.

 

[PhilsFan]

Not only do Catholic weddings almost uniformly feature the giving away portion, but most still believe you must ask for the blessing of the father before proposing.

 

[Jive Turkey]

I've never thought of the 'giving away' thing to be about property. I've always seen at as a father relinquishing protection of his little girl to another man