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Old 08-12-2013, 11:35 PM   #16
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I think I've said it the wrong way. If you don't give them narcissist supply they will reject you and if you can see that will happen then best to avoid them. Mild ego stuff is not what I'm talking about. It's the big stuff like bullying in the workplace. The job is pretty much over when that happens. Use logic against them as much as you can (because sometimes they are right about some things) but when it goes too far the split will happen. There's only so much you can tolerate with stress hormones destroying you.

Good luck! Hopefully you're not working for one right now.
I know you weren't referring to mild ego stuff, and I do mean the massive egos. I used to work in broadcast news and now I'm at a law firm. Believe me, I know a thing or two about narcissists, and, as I also said, because some family members of mine can qualify as narcissists.
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Old 08-12-2013, 11:42 PM   #17
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The guy was a prodigy. You can practice all you want, but you won't get to that level that early unless you're born with the talent
In Outliers Malcom Gladwell argues that there's a particular threshold that he calls "gifted enough". Essentially, giftedness matters but only to a point. A certain innnate talent is required for real serious mastery, but beyond the level of "talented enough" greater talent doesn't correlate with greater odds of success. Instead the other factors are time dedicated to mastery (that Erricsson statistic that purpleoscar mentioned) plus certain key opportunities that allow you to make contact with your desired field and not operate in isolation. Except Gladwell names that key number as ten thousand hours- roughly twenty hours a week for ten years, not sixty.


The interesting thing is that the narcissism that seems to be increasing these days is exactly the sort likely to prevent you from gaining that mastery. Mastery comes relentless self evaluation and improvement, which is rather the opposite to narcissism, ie "I'm already fabulous."
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Old 08-12-2013, 11:49 PM   #18
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Ya, I know about all the 10000 hours outliers stuff. My point was just, if you aren't born like Mozart, no amount of practice is going to make you like Mozart, which is what the little blurb seemed to be suggesting
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Old 08-13-2013, 12:43 AM   #19
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I find it interesting that regular FYM posters would be so quick to recognize this trait in others.
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Old 08-13-2013, 01:11 AM   #20
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My line of work is full of Narcissists and ego kings. People who work in the financial sector and especially the stock market use their portfolio worth and bank account balance as a proverbial "penis size " for bragging rights. Some times I really feel pissed and aggravated at some of the self-absorbed materialistic sods I come in contact with. Maybe they need to remember most of the world is living on $1-5 a day !
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Old 08-14-2013, 12:16 AM   #21
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A few years back, my wife mentioned to her doctor that she was training for a marathon. She was use to very intellectual conversations with her doctor. The doctor simply stated that marathons were narcissistic – a comment that was somewhat of a surprise.

Was running a marathon a narcissistic exercise? As we talked about it, we discovered some truth in his statement. Anyone can challenge themselves to a long run. Creating, working towards and achieving goals are a good and healthy thing. But does it need to be done in a public spectacle with awards and entertainment? Was the marathon a personal challenge or something to be worn as a badge of honor for others to see (with a 26.2 decal on the car bumper, for example)?
I was curious as to whether you and your wife had that conversation before or after she completed the marathon, because I can tell you, at least in my experience there is nothing narcissistic about completing a marathon.

It's way too difficult to be simply about the "awards and entertainment." When I was out there at mile 18 or 19, "the badge of honor" was the last thing on my mind. Being justifiably proud of accomplishing something that took every ounce of willpower you had, I don't think is unreasonable. So while, I don't have the 26.2 sticker on my car, I sure don't fault those people who do.
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Old 08-14-2013, 12:25 AM   #22
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Oh, I suppose you want us to shower you with admiration now, Sean?
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Old 08-14-2013, 12:17 PM   #23
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I recently read an article saying Gladwell largely got the 10,000 hours thing wrong.
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Old 08-14-2013, 12:29 PM   #24
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I recently read an article saying Gladwell largely got the 10,000 hours thing wrong.
That wouldn't surprise me
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Old 08-14-2013, 02:35 PM   #25
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Was it more or less?
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Old 08-14-2013, 02:40 PM   #26
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I would guess the general concept is wrong.
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Old 08-14-2013, 03:20 PM   #27
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I meant, what did the article say? Is there a source to check out?
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Old 08-14-2013, 04:06 PM   #28
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Here's a link to an article about the 10000 hour rule not being true http://healthland.time.com/2013/05/2...ter-after-all/ Hope it works!
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Old 08-14-2013, 04:27 PM   #29
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Thanks MissMoo

This is pretty much what I'm saying

Quote:
He says his research does not support “the egalitarian view that anyone who is sufficiently motivated can become an expert.” However, “the silver lining here is that if people are given an accurate idea of their abilities, they can select activities where they actually have a realistic chance of becoming expert through deliberate practice.”
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Old 08-14-2013, 04:40 PM   #30
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There may be a little misunderstanding of Gladwell's work going on here, since an important part of his concept was being gifted enough. I didn't get the impression he meant that aptitude doesn't matter at all, but that aptitude is not sufficient on its own, and extra aptitude doesn't always equal better success when not connected to the time and crucial opportunities.

It's interesting that as a general thing our culture does not encourage the sort of dedication that earns mastery unless someone has already demonstrated exceptional talent. We pretty quickly conclude that it's not worth putting in the time because we don't have the natural gifts to be Tiger Woods or Mozart or whatever. But the narcissism trend continues. So we have lots and lots of people who feel unreasonably confident about themselves but have never really pushed themselves to the limit and have no idea what they are actually capable of.
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