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Old 08-20-2013, 02:48 PM   #481
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Apart from the fact the 1 out of 3 stat is highly suspect (though that doesn't diminish the fact that one rape alone is a terrible thing), and the fact that I don't actively engage in any sexist behaviour or abuse, the whole "if you're a man, you're still contributing to the problem" is a lazy, easy out for someone not willing to look at a complicated issue more critically
Some feminists would point out that some men do engage in sexist behavior but don't realize it because of how society is.

I am not saying that you, JT, specifically are one of those men, as I have not seen any clear evidence of sexism from you. But I'm sure many men are like that. Even some women don't realize they are being treated unfairly because society has not always been so kind to women.

As for that 1 out of 3 statistic, it may be possible. Most cultures in the world don't have progressive attitudes toward women. Look at India, which is known for its poor treatment of women of all ages and classes. And it has one billion people. That figure alone contributes to the possibility that one-third of the planet's women has been abused.
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:09 PM   #482
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I'm not denying there's a problem, Pearl. And certainly I would agree with you, in less progressive countries, the problem is probably ten fold. But there are more productive ways to address the situation.

As far as the stat goes, I believe it was meant to be a statistic for the US. The problem is, it includes such sketchy definitions for sexual abuse as "have you ever drank alcohol, had a sexual encounter, then regretted it the next day"; I'm sorry, but that isn't sexual abuse. Studies like those dilute the real problems and divert the conversations.

As usual, I think he probably agree more than we disagree
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:11 PM   #483
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No. It was always a global statistic.
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:20 PM   #484
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No it wasn't. It was a nation wide study (your nation)
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:21 PM   #485
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No it wasn't. It was a nation wide study (your nation)

Yes. It was a global thing.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/06/20/health...violence-women
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:22 PM   #486
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This article touches on what I was trying to say a while back about various types of privilege. Even a man never engages in sexist behavior, he still benefits from the privilege of being male and takes it for granted. (As a quick example, most men have never worried that a woman they'd like to get to know may rape them, but every woman has to.)

Just like how white people benefit from our racist culture without meaning too. I've never been followed though a store by management under the assumption that I may steal something, which is an experience many people of color have. I benefit from straight privilege too- I've never had anyone assume that I'm a pedophile based on my orientation, but it's an experience common to gay men. An important part of making a more just society is realizing that those privileges are real, whether you want them or not.

Also, the most common type of sexist behavior among men who sympathize with feminism is failing to really hear what women are saying. To say, "that's not the way it is, your experience or your interpretation of it is invalid. Let me tell you how it really is and what feminism really needs to do, and how to fix your problems. " The hardest thing for any privileged group to do is be quiet and just listen to what the Other has to say.
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:29 PM   #487
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Then we're talking about different studies
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:36 PM   #488
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Then we're talking about different studies

Mine isn't dubious.
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:39 PM   #489
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This article touches on what I was trying to say a while back about various types of privilege. Even a man never engages in sexist behavior, he still benefits from the privilege of being male and takes it for granted.
Even if I benefit from the culture, how does that make me a perpetrator? Should I say 'no' to anything that might benefit me on the chance it might be because I'm a man? What about a man who is an advocate for women's rights, yet still has no choice but to benefit from the way society is structured? Is he still an unwilling sexist?

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(As a quick example, most men have never worried that a woman they'd like to get to know may rape them, but every woman has to.)
I don't think it's fair to say "every woman". I can guarantee you if you asked any girl I've dated if they at any time worried about that in the months getting to know me, the answer would be no

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I've never been followed though a store by management under the assumption that I may steal something
I have. Three times in the last 6 months or so. Not on the basis of my colour, but on the basis of my perceived age (oil of olay, twice a day) and the fact I was in an upscale antique shop each time.

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I've never had anyone assume that I'm a pedophile based on my orientation
Men are never given the benefit of the doubt when it comes to rules governing kids playgrounds, amusements parks, etc. A man was recently denied entry into Legoland because he wasn't accompanied by a child.
I had a photo prof that had the cops show up at his door because he was taking pictures of his son in the park about 10 years ago. He's in his 50s, so he might've looked a bit old to have a toddler aged son, but that's not the point. Someone saw him taking pictures, assumed he was a pedophile, and phoned the police

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Also, the most common type of sexist behavior among men who sympathize with feminism is failing to really hear what women are saying. To say, "that's not the way it is, your experience or your interpretation of it is invalid. Let me tell you how it really is and what feminism really needs to do, and how to fix your problems." The hardest thing for any privileged group to do is be quiet and just listen to what the Other has to say.
I'm happy to listen to the other side, but I won't "be quiet". Nothing productive has ever come from a one way street
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:40 PM   #490
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Mine isn't dubious.
What are you basing that on?
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:47 PM   #491
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What are you basing that on?
The WHO.
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:50 PM   #492
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The WHO.
I know who reported the study, but there was no information on methodology in that article
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Old 08-20-2013, 03:54 PM   #493
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While I think this should have it's own thread, this issue is tied to the double-standard girls face when rumors or sexually explicit photos of them go viral:

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A girl has been hospitalized after photos of her giving oral sex at an outdoor concert exploded on the Internet.
The girl, who according to some reports is 17 years old, was photographed at an Eminem concert in Ireland on Saturday. In one photo, she is on her knees giving fellatio, while the man raises his arms in a sign of victory. In another, she is kissing the same man while he reaches under her skirt. In yet another, she appears to be giving oral sex to a second unidentified man.

As the graphic photos quickly went viral, the girl unwittingly became the latest target of brutal cyber-bullying.
The hashtag #slanegirl, used primarily to ridicule her, trended globally for a short period on Monday. Internet users posted and shared the explicit photos on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr -- actions that could constitute criminal behavior if the girl is, as reported, 17 years old.
Irish police are now investigating the incident, the BBC reports.
Sources told The Irish Independent that the girl is 'devastated' and was so distraught she had to be sedated in the hospital Monday afternoon.
According to a source, "the teenager has not been medically fit enough to make a formal statement yet, but when that happens this could turn into a sexual assault investigation."
Facebook and Instagram have both taken steps to remove images of the girl from the Internet. According to Motherboard, a “Slane Girl” Facebook page received 8,000 likes before being removed on Monday:

At the New Statesmen, Sarah Ditum wrote a compelling piece about how girls are slut-shamed in the digital age:
In the world of popular sexual mores, public oral sex is apparently seen as pretty much neutral for men. It's the woman who gets to be the repository for everything deemed shameful or disgraceful about sex. If a man gets caught in some non-socially-sanctioned screwing, he's just being a man, and his reputation is unharmed.
Police in Ireland have asked the public to respect the girl's privacy.
Girl Cyber-Bullied, Hospitalized After Oral Sex Photos Go Viral

I despise slut-shaming. No wait, hate it! Hate it!

Why aren't the two boys involved being hospitalized with a nervous breakdown? Why are they getting pats on the back for getting head? Why aren't they respecting their own privacy?

Here is this poor girl who's being slut-shamed worldwide and is now ruined mentally and emotionally from it. Of course, she'll also be remembered for this, while those two guys can carry on like nothing happened.

This is an epidemic. A girl in Canada committed suicide over allegations she was either raped or had sex with multiple guys at a party. Where I used to live, a girl committed suicide at the train station I used to use over the slut-shaming she experienced after a party. Even her so-called best friend deserted her.

This is proof that the double-standard is bullshit and it is killing people who should not be driven to despair.
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Old 08-20-2013, 04:06 PM   #494
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I don't think it's fair to say "every woman". I can guarantee you if you asked any girl I've dated if they at any time worried about that in the months getting to know me, the answer would be no

I think what jeevey was trying to say here was that most women - and maybe every woman - is always on alert on the possibility of being raped by a guy. Since women are usually raped by men that they know, rather than strangers, it is something that goes through our heads when meeting a guy, even for a millisecond. It's something we are conditioned with, just like being careful on what to wear when you're alone at night.
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Old 08-20-2013, 04:11 PM   #495
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Originally Posted by Pearl View Post
While I think this should have it's own thread, this issue is tied to the double-standard girls face when rumors or sexually explicit photos of them go viral:



Girl Cyber-Bullied, Hospitalized After Oral Sex Photos Go Viral

I despise slut-shaming. No wait, hate it! Hate it!

Why aren't the two boys involved being hospitalized with a nervous breakdown? Why are they getting pats on the back for getting head? Why aren't they respecting their own privacy?

Here is this poor girl who's being slut-shamed worldwide and is now ruined mentally and emotionally from it. Of course, she'll also be remembered for this, while those two guys can carry on like nothing happened.

This is an epidemic. A girl in Canada committed suicide over allegations she was either raped or had sex with multiple guys at a party. Where I used to live, a girl committed suicide at the train station I used to use over the slut-shaming she experienced after a party. Even her so-called best friend deserted her.

This is proof that the double-standard is bullshit and it is killing people who should not be driven to despair.
Are you arguing that both men and women should be driven to despair equally? Or that nobody should ever feel "shame" for having multiple sexual partners in a public setting? I'm not sure what point you are trying to make.
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