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'Zimbabwe is not Ireland' - President Robert Mugabe
President for Life of Zimbabwe Dr Robert Mugabe has angrily rejected suggestions that the economic problems facing Zimbabwe are on a par with those of Ireland.
"The five year national plan will reinvigorate our society and country. Zimbabwe is a thriving modern economy and far from being bankrupt looks forward to the future with confidence and vigour. We are not at all like Ireland, which is a failed political entity whose economy has been driven into the ground by a corrupt ruling class. I repeat - we are Zimbabwe, not Ireland."
Meanwhile, Irish bond yields hit new records on the markets today amid fears that the country will not be able to re-finance its debt, and General McGuinness, who seized power in a coup just five months ago, promising to lead the country out of its five year long economic depression and bring corrupt politicians and bankers to justice, is believed to be lying low at an undisclosed location after angry, ravenous mobs, descended on his Clarence City bunker.