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Old 04-09-2009, 07:40 PM   #1
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Having the sex talk with your kids

So I've been majorly sick all week with a brutal head cold and mostly flopped on the couch and caught Oprah today (when not posting ZS eye candy on a rare trip outside FYM ). Figured the topic was good timing since my daughter recently asked how babies get into tummies (she's just turned 5). Totally caught me off guard so I froze and as luck would have it the doorbell rang so it was easy to slip away in the instant diversion.

I must say, I like to think I'm open-minded, particularly when it comes to the sexual empowerment of women and nothing really shocks me when it comes to sex, but the advice on Oprah caught me off guard much like my daughter did lol.

In addition to to the usual anatomy, mechanics, pregnancy, STDs and emotional aspects of sex to be taught to fresh young minds, the sex expert advocates that mothers teach their young girls about the pleasures of masturbation and orgasm. Including buying your 15-16 year old a vibrator.

I'm sure I'll make sense of this when the meds wear off, or maybe I'll just want a drink.

Does anyone have any wisdom to share?
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Old 04-09-2009, 07:43 PM   #2
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Well, if boys could masturbate to porn and Playboy, why can't a girl pleasure herself using a vibrator?

Plus, at least the teenage girl is using a vibrator and not actually having sex.

Maybe because I am not a mother, I may not know what I am talking about. But, I can see myself encouraging my daughter the same thing. If dads can buy their sons Playboy, then moms could buy their daughters sex toys. That is my logic.
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Old 04-09-2009, 07:53 PM   #3
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Maybe I'm a strange case... but I don't know any dads who buy their sons Playboy.
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Old 04-09-2009, 07:56 PM   #4
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I caught the show today as well. In regards to the masturbation portion, the therapist was more about the female being in touch with her body and how it works, and how you don't need someone else in order to receive pleasure, and how not to confuse having sex equating to the only way to get pleasure (did that make sense?). I wanted to watch it to see if my daughter should watch it as well. We'll see if I can talk to her and see if she'll watch/talk about it with me. She already has the Seventeen magazine (which I browsed after the show), and I don't know if I received that Oprah issue yet (free subscription/gift I got). I don't remember my mom talking to me about sex I may cut the show off before the masturbation section and just go with the 'many nerve endings' etc. I dunno

Oh and the "toys" she showed were small/pocket sized ones. Not ones intended to be used internally
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Old 04-09-2009, 07:58 PM   #5
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If dads can buy their sons Playboy, then moms could buy their daughters sex toys. That is my logic.
Do dads buy their sons Playboy for that? Really? Where have I been...

I have no hang ups around this stuff but I guess it just never occurred to me that I'd have to consider taking the teaching to that level.
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Old 04-09-2009, 08:00 PM   #6
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I guess all families are different but I would have been mortified if my parents had started talking about orgasms and vibrators.
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Old 04-09-2009, 08:15 PM   #7
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Maybe I'm a strange case... but I don't know any dads who buy their sons Playboy.
When I was in grade school, I knew boys who's fathers shared their Playboys with them

I don't know if that's healthy or not, but I guess it does go on.
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Old 04-09-2009, 08:19 PM   #8
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I think young girls should be taught about orgasms and masturbation and that they should learn to get in touch with their own bodies and learn that their pleasure should be just as important to them, if not moreso, than a boyfriend's pleasure. Too many young girls get pressured into 'servicing' boys because that's what the boys want, and the boys never lift a finger (pun alert :uhuh: ) to give the girls anything in return.
But I can see how such discussions would be especially embarrassing for the daughters. It might be easier to link the girl to an informative website (there are plenty) where she can read and learn about the stuff for herself, without mortification. After the information has been passed on, an offer to buy a small vibrator for the girl can be brought up. Nothing large, phallic, or insertable, but a small bullet/egg or something of that sort.

I never had such opportunities. I had to learn for myself from watching HBO, and then later, the internet.

As for 'where do babies come from', I learned that from having pet cats. I saw first hand the conception, and then later the birth. An especially young child could be told that when mommies and daddies want babies, they have a special way to put the baby inside the mommy's belly, and that they can find out more about it when they're older, but not until then.
I think about age 9-10 is old enough to find out about the actual mechanics of sex (not graphically) and that a sperm from a daddy and an egg from a mommy mix inside the mommy's tummy, to make the baby. I knew that much by that age.

By 12-13, children should be taught more open-mindedly about sex, and taught about orgasms and protection and the transmission of STDs and any sexual myths should be dispelled. Kids should be told to PLEASE WAIT and that they'll be glad they did. Girls should be taught that their periods may not be regular for a few years, and not to panic if it's late (you wouldn't believe the number of young girls posting on Yahoo Answers going "my period is a day late, but I've never had sex, how could I be pregnant?!" I'm not exaggerating.)
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Old 04-09-2009, 08:22 PM   #9
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When I was in grade school, I knew boys who's fathers shared their Playboys with them

I don't know if that's healthy or not, but I guess it does go on.
...are you sure the father knew it was being shared?

I know kids in grade school who would find their dad's Playboy... but it was kind of a risky thing because they'd get in severe trouble if their dad found out. That seems much more logical to me. That and the fact that some little boys like to tell tall tales to make them seem cooler. Probably especially to girls. You know, "Oh yeah, totally, my dad buys me Playboys all the time."

Right.
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Old 04-09-2009, 08:25 PM   #10
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...are you sure the father knew it was being shared?

I know kids in grade school who would find their dad's Playboy... but it was kind of a risky thing because they'd get in severe trouble if their dad found out. That seems much more logical to me. That and the fact that some little boys like to tell tall tales to make them seem cooler. Probably especially to girls. You know, "Oh yeah, totally, my dad buys me Playboys all the time."

Right.
OK, you got a point.

But I still think girl should be as encouraged to masturbate as boys are. What I mean by that is, it is expected for boys to touch themselves, but for a girl to do the same, its taboo. And I agree with DreamOutLoud13 that girls should learn to pleasure themselves and not be at service to boys.
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Old 04-09-2009, 08:25 PM   #11
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Quote:
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When I was in grade school, I knew boys who's fathers shared their Playboys with them

I don't know if that's healthy or not, but I guess it does go on.
When my brother was a teen, our dad gave him a Playboy.


Of course these days, none of that is necessary, as all it takes is a couple of clicks on Google to get loads of naked ladies. Dads should talk to their sons about masturbation though, and let them know that it's perfectly natural and normal.
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Old 04-10-2009, 12:32 AM   #12
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I caught the show today as well. In regards to the masturbation portion, the therapist was more about the female being in touch with her body and how it works, and how you don't need someone else in order to receive pleasure, and how not to confuse having sex equating to the only way to get pleasure (did that make sense?).
I think if a parent sits a child down(age appropriate and I think for the most part only a good parent will know when their child is ready) and approaches it this way and tells the child that it's completely normal then it's a great thing... I don't think "how to's" or too much talk about orgasms are needed at that point, but to let your child know they are able to come and talk to you at any time is needed.

I think the akwardness of talking to your child about sex can lead to a lot of mistakes. One being putting it off too late. The other extreme is thinking you are an open minded parent and giving it to them all in one sitting and then thinking "phew I'm done". I've seen both scenarios completely fail.

You have to let your child know it's an open line of communication.
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Old 04-10-2009, 02:28 PM   #13
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I must say, I like to think I'm open-minded, particularly when it comes to the sexual empowerment of women and nothing really shocks me when it comes to sex, but the advice on Oprah caught me off guard much like my daughter did lol.
It sounds like this guest speaker was a professional expert on sex education for children and teens? So she's probably someone who particularly enjoys and is very enthusiastic about discussing sexuality and sexual physiology with kids. Which might be something to take into account if some of her advice seemed 'OK, but beyond the call of duty' to you. Maybe it's a lame analogy, but sort of like if you were a trained chef and loved sharing that knowledge with your kids, you might have a laundry list of ideas about what your teenager should know how to do and own around the kitchen that might strike me as more ambitious than I personally care to be, even if I took away some good ideas from you. Likewise there'd probably be certain kitchen-ed experiences you could foist on your kids that'd seem perfectly natural to them because of that background, whereas mine might feel a bit weirded out if I did it, as if I were trying too embarrassingly or annoyingly hard.

I do think that when you're discussing basic sexual anatomy and functioning with your kids, which should happen well before puberty obviously, that's a good time to bring up that many people find gently touching or rubbing their own genitals feels really good and that's normal and natural, something you can enjoy in private for yourself (but otherwise those parts of your body are for you and your doctor only to touch, etc. etc. ...). That way when discussing actual sexuality at a later age, it won't come out of nowhere to refer to it again in the context of discussing sexual pleasure, how orgasm works and so forth. But for most parents and kids, I really don't think an exhaustive step-by-step lecture on 'Here are some recommended masturbation techniques and equipment' etc. is necessary, and it might feel inappropriate to some children.
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Old 04-10-2009, 02:42 PM   #14
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If I where a girl and my mum brought home a vibrator I'd feel like a total prat, if anything, on behalf of my mum. Just the opinion of a young kid.
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Old 04-10-2009, 02:48 PM   #15
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