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Old 07-26-2010, 10:52 PM   #31
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Pearl, there was a really interesting thread about this topic in here, a few years ago.

I come down on the anti-spanking side, for several reasons. My main objection is its usefulness versus the potential harm it could cause, and I think the latter outweighs the former, in most cases. I feel that when taking the distinction between spanking in anger, and spanking in a more calm way as a form of punishment into account, it's the parents who spank in anger who rely on it as a more regular form of punishment, whereas those who do it rarely but in a more calm fashion are the kinds of parents who have better tools for correction available in their parental arsenal.

Ali and Lies made really good points in their posts, and that's the form of parenting that I prefer and have used with great success. Consistency is very, very important, and the consequence for any action has to be logical - for example, if you misbehave in the store, we leave immediately, and next time, you don't get to come with me.

The parent - child relationship is the only one in our society where it's permissible for one person to hit another, and that's never made one bit of sense to me.
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Old 07-26-2010, 11:01 PM   #32
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The parent - child relationship is the only one in our society where it's permissible for one person to hit another, and that's never made one bit of sense to me.
Does this mean I can bring charges against my older brother?
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Old 07-26-2010, 11:32 PM   #33
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Does this mean I can bring charges against my older brother?
Sure...?

But you know what I mean, right? Other than children fighting amongst themselves, any person who hits another can be charged with assault. It just seems odd to me that our most vulnerable aren't protected in this way.
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Old 07-26-2010, 11:48 PM   #34
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The parent - child relationship is the only one in our society where it's permissible for one person to hit another, and that's never made one bit of sense to me.
Let's exclude hitting in anger for a moment though (since I don't think anyone here is arguing for that) and then ask is there any other kind of hitting besides spanking that doesn't come from anger?

Is the measured, single swat across the behind really equivalent to any other type of violence?
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Old 07-27-2010, 12:04 AM   #35
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Is the measured, single swat across the behind really equivalent to any other type of violence?
I think this comes back to your rather insightful comment about them not being old enough to reason with; There probably isn't an equivalent because the situation is so specific
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Old 07-27-2010, 12:22 AM   #36
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I will chime in. I was spanked a lot...and I deserved it every time but one(my sister lied about something...but reputation follows you). I stole, hit kids/sibling/parents with the wiffle ball bat in anger, rode my bike across the busy street without permission...on purpose, you name it I did it. So, spanking maybe didn't quite work on me, huh? (I was a bad-ass.)

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If one wants to teach their children that physical pain and humiliation is an appropriate way to solve problems and that fear and mistrust molds acceptable behaviour over the long-term then spanking is probably the way to go.
I have always been interested in this idea. When exactly did things change? Lots of people my age were spanked, and don't spank.

Thinking about childhood, the way we boys sorted things out with bullies or whatever was to duke it out. We didn't tell anyone about it, unless we got caught. We roughed each other up, someone lost, and in a couple of days, we'd play baseball with each other again. Now days, kids tell parents, parents call principals, and principals stand at bus stops to keep kids safe.

My point with all this is: Things are different, but what made the change? Do kids have too much power/choice? Are parents too over-protective? Or, have we just found another/better way?
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Old 07-27-2010, 12:26 AM   #37
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Let's exclude hitting in anger for a moment though (since I don't think anyone here is arguing for that) and then ask is there any other kind of hitting besides spanking that doesn't come from anger?

Is the measured, single swat across the behind really equivalent to any other type of violence?
You're right, it probably isn't. But then that takes it back to my other point, that parents who employ it in that way are probably the ones least likely to need to. If "swatting" is that rarely used by the parent, they're obviously doing something right, and have other parenting methods they could use.
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Old 07-27-2010, 11:05 AM   #38
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I don't remember being spanked, not sure if I ever was (but I don't think my parents were absolutely opposed to it), but BOY do I remember getting slapped! I was backtalking and being disrespectful which was not normal for me, I can look back and laugh about it because I really did deserve it.


and my memories are the opposite. the few times i was slapped, i remember being shocking and humiliating and i don't think i deserved it. from what i can remember about being spanked was that it was a fairly clear consequence for a particular infraction, and while i dreaded the pain of the spanking, at least i knew what it was and it was coming. the slaps were just out of left field and looking back, that's what fills me with anger and resentment, not the spanking.

now that i've shared too much ...
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Old 07-27-2010, 11:08 AM   #39
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made you bitter towards your parent/s?
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Old 07-27-2010, 11:36 AM   #40
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I only remember one time in my life when my Mom attempted to swat my behind on the street and I was running ahead of her, holding my butt in my hands.

We were not physically disciplined in any way, frankly I think a stern look from my father, who was not the most jovial of people, was enough.

I also find pre-planned spanking to be kind of weird, to be honest. I just don't think I have it in me to schedule a spanking like that, there is something really premeditated about it that makes me extremely uncomfortable.
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Old 07-27-2010, 11:47 AM   #41
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I also find pre-planned spanking to be kind of weird, to be honest. I just don't think I have it in me to schedule a spanking like that, there is something really premeditated about it that makes me extremely uncomfortable.
I know what you mean, and I feel the same way.
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Old 07-27-2010, 11:52 AM   #42
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I



I have always been interested in this idea. When exactly did things change? Lots of people my age were spanked, and don't spank.

Thinking about childhood, the way we boys sorted things out with bullies or whatever was to duke it out. We didn't tell anyone about it, unless we got caught. We roughed each other up, someone lost, and in a couple of days, we'd play baseball with each other again. Now days, kids tell parents, parents call principals, and principals stand at bus stops to keep kids safe.

My point with all this is: Things are different, but what made the change? Do kids have too much power/choice? Are parents too over-protective? Or, have we just found another/better way?
I confess when I originally posted the thread about whether we as a society are more or less violent, I was actually thinking about this topic. It was exactly this question that was on my mind. I thought I'd bring it around to spanking eventually but I never did.

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now that i've shared too much ...
Eh, I think I hold that distinction.
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Old 07-27-2010, 11:55 AM   #43
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what about the time teachers whapped kids hands with canes?
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Old 07-27-2010, 11:57 AM   #44
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I know what you mean, and I feel the same way.
I hear what you and Anitram are saying but again I think it's a comparison to ordinary premediated violence and again I don't think they are comparable.

Normal premeditated violence has to do with a desire to harm the other, hostility, hatred etc none of which are (or at least should) be present with spanking. Perhaps you've heard the old parental cliche "this hurts me more than it hurts you."

It seems like we're creating a lose-lose situation. If it's done in anger, it's wrong and if it's done with consideration it is creepy. Which is fine, I guess. I'm certainly not here to argue that everyone should be comfortable with spanking. Each parent and each child is different, and if there's one thing I've learned since becoming a parent is that it's very hard to judge until you're in the situation yourself.
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Old 07-27-2010, 12:04 PM   #45
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what about the time teachers whapped kids hands with canes?
I got the ruler on the palm in 3rd grade.

The whole situation was unfair. It was for putting paper towels in the toilet (which is a dumbass reason to spank anyone if you ask me), and I didn't even do it.

I'm not really excited about teachers spanking.

One further note. I find that in the African-American community that I work in (the school I teach in is predominantly black), a much "harsher" level of spanking is considered acceptable than in other culture groups I've worked in. The terms "whipped" and "beat" seem to have more currency. It's very much about putting the fear in kids and I find that long term it really does nothing to improve the kids' behavior (except when Mom or Dad are watching). That's just my observation and I'm hesitant to say how accurate that is.
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