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Old 07-26-2010, 11:41 AM   #16
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I raised 4 children and they did get an occasional slap on the butt. They are all wonderful young adults, happy and secure.

I do not believe in beating your child, or setting up a spanking session but when they are in a dangerous situation or totally out of control a slap on the butt certainly gets their attention quick!

Positive and negative reinforcement works best for children. As a teacher I am constantly negotiating with unruly students. Results occur when the child understands what the rewards and consequences are clearly spelled out. I teach 5 year olds. Parents often ask if spanking is OK and I tell them that it is your very last resort and never spank when you are angry, just a tap on the butt is all I would do.
You and I are on the same page! I am a teacher myself, so I know the methods of discipline used in a classroom setting, and most of those are used in my household at home. However, I have given a quick swat in extremely unacceptable situations. In my 10 years as a parent of two, I can think of maybe 2 or 3 times. There is a difference between a quick swat, and a spanking where you are hitting the child repeatedly. That happens out of anger, and it can quickly get out of control. That's my 2 cents!
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Old 07-26-2010, 01:31 PM   #17
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And both parents need to be on the same page, children quickly learn to play one against the other.
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Old 07-26-2010, 01:58 PM   #18
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Yes, and that can be a struggle sometimes!
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Old 07-26-2010, 02:25 PM   #19
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My kids are 8 and 12 and have very different personalities. You have to use a punishment that works for your child. Taking things away (computer, tv, iPod, etc) works for my 12 y/o son, but not for my daughter, however, not letting her play with a friend or a time-out on the stairs without distractions work for her. Spanking is not my thing, however, I have done it after repeated warnings when my son was younger. Bottom line is you have to stick with your threats...it drives me nuts when I hear parents say "if you don't stop (fill in the blank) I'm going to (fill in the blank) and they never follow through. The kid knows they can get away with anything because they'll never get in trouble!

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And both parents need to be on the same page, children quickly learn to play one against the other.
This is so true! You really need to figure out how you're going to parent your kids before you have them! My husband and I took an awesome parenting class before our son was born which helped us anticipate different situations and let us figure out how we would react. My kids are great and I think a lot of it is because we work hard at being good parents!
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Old 07-26-2010, 02:35 PM   #20
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Interesting replies!

I like how some people are against spanking, but some see it as a necessity. As long as its disciplinary spanking, it is OK. I like how U2Mama said each children needs its own form of discipline.

The reason why I brought this up is because - as some of you might know - is that my sister had her first baby last week, and it has lead me to wonder how she would discipline her kids and how I would when I have my own kids. It sounds nerve-wracking because you don't want to be the parent that allows the kids to get away with murder. You'd want well-rounded, respectful kids without having to strike fear into them.
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Old 07-26-2010, 02:45 PM   #21
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i don't have children but will at some point. i don't see anything wrong with one solitary smack to the backside when they act up, but i don't think i could do more than that.
Yeah that. Not that I plan on having kids, but I feel that a smack on the butt is fine when necessary.

We used to get the belt, the spatula (from my Italian mother) a backhand across the face at dinner if we didnt eat our food or acted up (from Dad) or a pinch to the leg in the car on vacation... etc. My parents didnt 'beat' us, but we were definitely punished by force as well as getting grounded, or things taken away. Times have certainly changed now and if parents did all that nowadays they'd get arrested.

In this day and age and from what I've witnessed with my 4 year old nephew, is that if he doesnt listen or talks back, he gets things taken away... no toys or no desert, or no we are not going to the park now, things like that. And rewarding by telling him if you eat all your food you get desert, or you can pick out a toy if you poop in the toilet. It seems to be going ok and he listens to his parents the majority of the time because he knows they will take things away if he doesnt listen.

It's kind of hard though because his parents are not together so his disciplining is slightly different, a bit more strict when he's with my brother I think because of our upbringing compared to the upbringing of his mom.
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Old 07-26-2010, 03:00 PM   #22
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Like BVS I've experienced both "spanking in anger" (okay, it was straight up abuse. Fortunately it was mostly when I was too young to remember. What I remember from that time is just being scared all the time) and what I would consider appropriate spanking. The former was from my dad, who we left when I was seven and the latter was from my mom. My mom only spanked me three times that I can recall and to this day I remember exactly what I was spanked for (which might indicate what an impact it made). Once was for swinging on a towel rack until it broke after being warned repeatedly not to do it. The second time was because I called my mom an "ass" to see what would happen. Needless to say, I found out. Third, was when I hit my sister. My mom was determined that we would understand that hitting a girl was never, ever acceptable.

The spankings themselves I don't recall--it was a probably a few swats from this evil looking buckle-less belt that she kept coiled up like a snake on the top shelf of her bedroom closet.

My son is two, and I don't think we've ever given him a spanking so far. He's too young, I think. When he's older we may use it, but if we do it will be as rare as it was with my mom and it won't be done in anger. The idea of spanking only in cases of outright and repeated defiance, blatant disrespect, and when the safety of my son or someone else is at stake seems reasonable to me.

I would also add that spanking is most effective for a limited time in a child's life when they are old enough to know what they are doing, but not so old that reasoning alone is a sufficient deterent.

That's my take anyway.
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Old 07-26-2010, 04:50 PM   #23
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I would also add that spanking is most effective for a limited time in a child's life when they are old enough to know what they are doing, but not so old that reasoning alone is a sufficient deterent.


this seems very perceptive to me.

i'm not a parent, but i'm interested. i'd probably come down on the anti-spanking side of things. but this makes sense.
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Old 07-26-2010, 06:17 PM   #24
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Interesting replies!

I like how some people are against spanking, but some see it as a necessity.
I'm neither. I'm not vehemently against it though I don't plan on doing it to my kids. I know plenty of people who spank or got spanked and did not grow up in fear of physical punishment. Nor do I see it as a necessity. I just think that the same level of consequence can be achieved a different way, or, the bad behavior can be prevented altogether. It's not really the spanking that would bother me, but that the child's behavior escalated to that level.
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Old 07-26-2010, 06:29 PM   #25
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Do you or could you ever spank your children? How do you discipline your child without resorting to physical discipline? Does it work?
Never had to.
The kids have been very good about listening to us and if they don't, then we resort at taking away some their valuable things; i.e. Wii time, Poptropica, etc.

I've seen worse than physical discipline, I have seen verbal and mental abuse which I believe stays with them longer and it creates bigger scars. I just do not understand how parents can do this to THEIR children.
All in all, we've been very lucky with our kids...but I would never "spank" them if it came to that scenario.
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Old 07-26-2010, 08:22 PM   #26
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I'm a parent and never spanked my son. He had clear cut rules and learned by example.
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Old 07-26-2010, 09:53 PM   #27
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I've seen worse than physical discipline, I have seen verbal and mental abuse which I believe stays with them longer and it creates bigger scars.


i hear that.

there's a big difference between a smack on the bottom, and a slap across the face. the force could be totally equal, and the intention the same, but the effect on a child is, i think, dramatically different.
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Old 07-26-2010, 10:08 PM   #28
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It should be noted that I do not mind disciplining other people's brats.
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Old 07-26-2010, 10:13 PM   #29
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It should be noted that I do not mind disciplining other people's brats.
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Old 07-26-2010, 10:22 PM   #30
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i hear that.

there's a big difference between a smack on the bottom, and a slap across the face. the force could be totally equal, and the intention the same, but the effect on a child is, i think, dramatically different.
I don't remember being spanked, not sure if I ever was (but I don't think my parents were absolutely opposed to it), but BOY do I remember getting slapped! I was backtalking and being disrespectful which was not normal for me, I can look back and laugh about it because I really did deserve it.
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