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Old 06-20-2013, 01:02 PM   #136
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And honestly I think that if an older woman or a man had said the same thing to this mother, she would have given a less combative, more conciliating response. She probably only felt comfortable blowing off the speaker-up because she was younger, female, and didn't likely have kids- she didn't have enough social status to make this woman embarrassed. It's unfortunate but true that we can only be embarrassed by people we respect. Cheers to that young woman, though. That's a good thing to do.
Actually, the mothers were about the same age as the other woman who confronted them. She was about 25 or 27 years old, and those mothers could not have been any older.
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:57 PM   #137
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I think the good think about speaking up is that it gives the child a message that it's not okay to be hit by somebody you love. Kids have to put up with that shit but they don't have to believe that everybody thinks it's okay. It's true that a little speak-up is not going to change a spanker's mind, but it is going to change the social tone. It's like one dude telling another that catcalling is not okay- it lessens the social permission that the slapper or catcaller feels for their actions.
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It's also worth noting that most people who discipline their kids inappropriately don't do it because they are crazies or love to hurt their kids. They do it because they're overwhelmed, frustrated, maybe embarrassed by what they see as their kids' bad behavior, and don't know what else to do. Most people are pretty sensitive to social shaming as a barometer of their behavior.

And honestly I think that if an older woman or a man had said the same thing to this mother, she would have given a less combative, more conciliating response. She probably only felt comfortable blowing off the speaker-up because she was younger, female, and didn't likely have kids- she didn't have enough social status to make this woman embarrassed. It's unfortunate but true that we can only be embarrassed by people we respect. Cheers to that young woman, though. That's a good thing to do.

Lets bring the man hate into every thread
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:58 PM   #138
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Those mothers were not ruthlessly beating their kids. They were spanking and smacking their arms. No where did I say they were thrashing their kids, and those kids were not at risk for being sent to the hospital.

And your aggressive, accusing tone in your post was unnecessary. That never helps in a discussion.

If anyone wants to intervene like that woman did, go ahead. But it won't get you anywhere. Saying something won't make a light bulb go off in their head because hitting their kids is so ingrained in them. You're a total stranger; they'll just ignore you. Might as well film them with your phones and turn the footage over to police, if that will help.


Especially coming from someone who gets 'teased' by an 8 year old
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Old 06-20-2013, 02:32 PM   #139
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She kept going, saying those kids are going to grow up delinquents and be a problem in society, and they would hate their mothers for hitting them in public like that.
Your issue with her speaking out was that you thought it was dangerous to do so on a public New York train.

My issue is that she told these women in public that her children are going to grow up to be delinquents. IMO, totally out of line.

I grew up in a home that used spanking as a punishment. I'm not out abusing people, starting trash can fires, robbing banks or anything like that.

From what you said, they were swatting them, yes? It sounds like they were going overboard with it, but, I mean...I'm speaking from my own upbringing here, obviously.


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It's also worth noting that most people who discipline their kids inappropriately don't do it because they are crazies or love to hurt their kids. They do it because they're overwhelmed, frustrated, maybe embarrassed by what they see as their kids' bad behavior, and don't know what else to do.
Or, it's how they were raised as well?
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Old 06-20-2013, 02:42 PM   #140
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Yeah, that's usually why people don't know what else to do- they didn't learn the other coping skills.

And honestly Jive, get over it already. My comment was not man hating. My comment is noting the fact that men often have an easier time getting listened to by strangers, which they are able to use for good.
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Old 06-20-2013, 03:20 PM   #141
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And honestly Jive, get over it already. My comment was not man hating. My comment is noting the fact that men often have an easier time getting listened to by strangers, which they are able to use for good.
Get over it? You're projecting a little, my dear. I literally haven't read a single post by you in which you haven't, either directly or indirectly, implied that men are a problem. Sure, it's appropriate, if not misguided, behaviour in the feminism thread, but here you've somehow brought in cat calling and people not being respected because they're women and in the discotheque thread, you pretty much implied that the guy might be a date rapist. You've got a massive chip on your shoulder. It's tiresome
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Old 06-20-2013, 04:46 PM   #142
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Your issue with her speaking out was that you thought it was dangerous to do so on a public New York train.

My issue is that she told these women in public that her children are going to grow up to be delinquents. IMO, totally out of line.

I grew up in a home that used spanking as a punishment. I'm not out abusing people, starting trash can fires, robbing banks or anything like that.

From what you said, they were swatting them, yes? It sounds like they were going overboard with it, but, I mean...I'm speaking from my own upbringing here, obviously.
I don't think what she said was totally out of line. Spanking and swatting their arms and backs at home is one thing, but doing so in public is another. Yes, those mothers did say they were raised that way, but to physically punish a kid in public like that was inexcusable. That doesn't necessarily mean that the kids will be delinquents when they grow older, but who's to say they'll be mentally and emotionally healthy?

I was spanked growing up too, and I'm not a delinquent either. I know there's a big debate on whether spanking is damaging or not (hence this thread), but I think that should be a last resort in disciplining young kids. And should never take place in public, because not only did you physically hurt your kid, you also mortified them in front of strangers.
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Old 06-20-2013, 05:20 PM   #143
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i see a lot of verbal abuse, mothers screaming at children to SHUT THE FUCK UP or to GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER HERE.

really ineffective with a 3 year old.
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Old 06-20-2013, 06:41 PM   #144
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i see a lot of verbal abuse, mothers screaming at children to SHUT THE FUCK UP or to GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER HERE.

really ineffective with a 3 year old.
How about seeing a mother tell her kid, "Sometimes I wish I never had you"?

Proof that some parents should never had even considered having kids.
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Old 06-20-2013, 08:09 PM   #145
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this public vs. private punishment thing is odd to me. wouldn't that confuse the child more? my parents discipline me the same way no matter where we were. i wasn't spanked though, i was given time outs and stuff. i realise though that everyone is different.

i quickly caught on that being bad = punishment = bad, while being good = no punishment. so i never got grounded or sent to my room without dinner. but that's just because i was a goody two shoes. i know not every kid who gets spanked or grounded a lot is some problem child, nor does it mean kids who are never disciplined are perfect. now i don't know what point i'm trying to make.
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Old 06-21-2013, 06:33 AM   #146
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now i don't know what point i'm trying to make.
Welcome to my life.
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Old 06-21-2013, 10:16 PM   #147
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Welcome to my life.
i wish i could blame it on alcohol or something, but i don't drink. i guess my brain's really on summer vacation.
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