Bullying - What Can Be Done? - Page 6 - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Free Your Mind
Click Here to Login
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 02-28-2012, 07:26 PM   #76
Blue Crack Supplier
 
Irvine511's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 30,473
Local Time: 07:58 AM
I have no memory of ever being bullied. I don't elieveni was ever a bully. But I get sick to my stomach when I think back on the bullying I witnessed as a kid in elementary school.
__________________

__________________
Irvine511 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 09:32 PM   #77
Blue Crack Addict
 
PhilsFan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Standing on the shore, facing east.
Posts: 18,863
Local Time: 07:58 AM
I really don't remember all that much bullying happening at any level of school for me. Certainly none of this physical violence constantly happening.

I am a bitter, sarcastic, detached asshole at work, but that's why everyone loves me.
__________________

__________________
PhilsFan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2012, 10:20 PM   #78
Blue Crack Distributor
 
Headache in a Suitcase's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Stateless
Posts: 56,364
Local Time: 07:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jive Turkey
I find it a little juvenile to refer to it as adult 'bullying'. Bullying is what goes on with kids on the playground. I realize just calling it by a different name doesn't change what's happening, but there are other words to describe it that won't make you sound like a subordinate ('you' in the general sense, not anyone in particular). When you say you're getting bullied, you're almost relegating yourself to victim-hood.
Yea I don't get it, the whole adult "bullying" thing.

Bullying with kids? Yea... its obviously a problem, one I had to deal with for much of my pre high school years, as a shy, gangly four eyes with a girls name. Kids were absolutely brutal. I got locked in a gym locker, my glasses broken, shit stolen, shit thrown at me, threats, taunts, etc etc. It certainly effected my schooling. Heck, they even sent me to see a shrink about it in like 6th grade.

Then I got to high school, grew into my body, for more involved with sports, discovered the weight room, and all that shit ironically went away.

Frankly I owe a lot of it to teachers and coaches I had who gave me the self confidence to overcome a lot of these things. Ultimately that's the issue. Confidence.

Bullies are like sharks. They smell weakness like blood in the water. You take that advantage away and they've got nothing.

There is one thought that never crossed my mind when dealing with hardcore bullying as a 12-13 year old... getting a gun and shooting up the school.

I don't believe bullying causes school massacres or other violence anymore than music, movies, books, or anything else that's been blamed over the years.

Mental illness causes this obscene violence. Bullying may be the triggering factor that sets a mentally unstable person off, much like a scene in a movie or a violent video game may be... but it isn't the root cause. It takes a very sick person to commit acts of inconceivable violence. Identifying these at risk kids early is the key.
__________________
Headache in a Suitcase is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-29-2012, 12:46 AM   #79
Blue Crack Addict
 
Moonlit_Angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: In a dimension known as the Twilight Zone...do de doo doo, do de doo doo...
Posts: 19,256
Local Time: 06:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Headache in a Suitcase View Post
There is one thought that never crossed my mind when dealing with hardcore bullying as a 12-13 year old... getting a gun and shooting up the school.

I don't believe bullying causes school massacres or other violence anymore than music, movies, books, or anything else that's been blamed over the years.

Mental illness causes this obscene violence. Bullying may be the triggering factor that sets a mentally unstable person off, much like a scene in a movie or a violent video game may be... but it isn't the root cause. It takes a very sick person to commit acts of inconceivable violence. Identifying these at risk kids early is the key.
Fully agreed on this. That latest story from Ohio...just...ugh. Makes me sick to my stomach.

I got picked on in school, too, had to deal with some real obnoxious kids. Never had to deal with any physical attacks against me, but did have a lot of really nasty words and such. My family wasn't rich, I was a quiet kid, I didn't dress in the latest clothes, I was a "goody-two-shoes" because I never got in trouble with the teachers (probably because I didn't piss them off by acting like a spoiled bratty jerk?), stuff like that.

But again, most of the kids who did that came from crap homes. Adults can definitely bully, too, that's where many kids who do it probably first learn it. And while I never got in physical fights I know many kids who did. And I know many kids who treated our teachers HORRIBLY. I heard a story once about my 8th grade English teacher-apparently one class before mine had some really nasty kids in it who locked her in a room or a closet or something. It's pretty sad when teachers don't even have the power anymore to control kids half the time. But if the kids don't listen to their parents, what makes anyone think they'll be more likely to listen to other adults?
__________________
Moonlit_Angel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-29-2012, 09:18 AM   #80
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
Pearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: NYC
Posts: 5,653
Local Time: 08:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Headache in a Suitcase View Post

Frankly I owe a lot of it to teachers and coaches I had who gave me the self confidence to overcome a lot of these things. Ultimately that's the issue. Confidence.

Bullies are like sharks. They smell weakness like blood in the water. You take that advantage away and they've got nothing.
I wish I had someone teach me self-confidence while I was growing up. No teacher ever bothered to help me, and my family weren't much help either.

Anyway, it is true confidence drives away bullies. But the thing is, there will always be that one kid without confidence and the other kid looking to torment someone like that. That is why I think bullying will never go away.
__________________
Pearl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-29-2012, 10:06 AM   #81
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
mama cass's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 5,906
Local Time: 01:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jive Turkey View Post
I find it a little juvenile to refer to it as adult 'bullying'. Bullying is what goes on with kids on the playground. I realize just calling it by a different name doesn't change what's happening, but there are other words to describe it that won't make you sound like a subordinate ('you' in the general sense, not anyone in particular). When you say you're getting bullied, you're almost relegating yourself to victim-hood.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Headache in a Suitcase View Post
Yea I don't get it, the whole adult "bullying" thing.
oh believe me it does happen - my father was a total bully - he bullied his work colleagues, and his whole family and still does to this day apparently although i have nothing to do with the bastard any more, thank fuck!

he acted juvenile, like a total child, throwing his weight around, being obnoxious, getting his own way all the time, basically using school-yard bully-boy tactics and bad moods and childish temper tantrums, but which was quite impressive/daunting/scary coming from a full-grown man who has the "power" in the household, especially when you're small and dependent on them - i swear he was worse than a toddler with his temper tantrums LOL - it wasn't until i became a mother and realised my toddlers were more reasonable and better behaved and more polite than he was that i finally had the guts to stand up to him - and standing up to him actually wrecked our relationship as he just couldn't handle it...

but yeah, it's shocking to see, it's ugly, but it does happen... maybe rarely, though, hopefully!

i've come across some quite manipulative people in my time who you could describe as a bully in a way, but they've been more devious, nothing quite as dramatic as him... and i often find certain types of people will try to take advantage of me, just really pushy people mostly who will just push it too far and make crazy demands on me - i think people who meet me but don't actually know me well think i'm a bit of a pushover so will try it on sometimes, and then get offended/surprised when i eventually stand up for myself and say "whoa! enough!" - i think having grown up with a bully in the house, i never let myself be bullied for long in other aspects of life - there is NO way i would ever describe myself as a victim, i would say it taught me how to be more of a fighter and i won't let anyone mess with me or my loved ones - i had to learn how to think on my feet, and how to outsmart a bully - i have a bully radar and am more likely to pre-empt a bully and kick him in the teeth rather than act the victim (metaphorically of course) LOL
__________________
mama cass is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-29-2012, 10:12 AM   #82
Blue Crack Addict
 
anitram's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: NY
Posts: 16,272
Local Time: 07:58 AM
Adult bullying certainly exists - it is just more fine-tuned than the children's version. So they're not stealing your lunch money and stuffing you in a locker, but they are doing other things that makes your existence at work completely miserable. It can come from supervisors or people who are senior enough that they have a say in your advancement. It doesn't have to consist of open threats since implied ones are just as effective. Generally workplace bullies are known entities, which is to say that everyone in the office knows who they are and that they are a problem but for various reasons the problem is never addressed or is not addressed adequately by the leadership so it festers like a cancer.

It is serious enough that there is legislation in a number of places now which addresses it. In Ontario it is officially called workplace harassment, but it's essentially bullying or what you'd consider to be classic bullying.
__________________
anitram is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-29-2012, 10:28 AM   #83
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
mama cass's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 5,906
Local Time: 01:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pearl View Post
I wish I had someone teach me self-confidence while I was growing up. No teacher ever bothered to help me, and my family weren't much help either.

Anyway, it is true confidence drives away bullies. But the thing is, there will always be that one kid without confidence and the other kid looking to torment someone like that. That is why I think bullying will never go away.
as a mother, that is what i've tried to do with my kids, really encourage them to be confident and make sure that they (especially my daughter) don't take grief from anyone... i've really tried to help them understand what is and what isn't acceptable behaviour from others...

they've both turned out pretty confident secure kids - they're both extremely opinionated teenagers with their own minds... although sometimes it's not even enough to be confident as that can have it's own downsides as the happy popular confident kids can often be targets for bullying too - as we've recently experienced actually...
__________________
mama cass is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-29-2012, 10:48 AM   #84
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
Pearl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: NYC
Posts: 5,653
Local Time: 08:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by mama cass View Post

they've both turned out pretty confident secure kids - they're both extremely opinionated teenagers with their own minds... although sometimes it's not even enough to be confident as that can have it's own downsides as the happy popular confident kids can often be targets for bullying too - as we've recently experienced actually...
True. Sometimes bullies target the happy, confident types due to immense envy.
__________________
Pearl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-29-2012, 04:32 PM   #85
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
Vincent Vega's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Berlin
Posts: 6,615
Local Time: 01:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by yolland View Post
^ Huh, wonder if that's mostly a British English term? I've never heard it before.
Oh. Mobbing is the word that's used in Germany for both kids and adults. I looked it up to see if it were used in English-speaking countries at all. Maybe it's only true for researchers who use it in their field.
__________________
Vincent Vega is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-29-2012, 06:25 PM   #86
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
BonosSaint's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,566
Local Time: 08:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by anitram View Post
Adult bullying certainly exists - it is just more fine-tuned than the children's version. So they're not stealing your lunch money and stuffing you in a locker, but they are doing other things that makes your existence at work completely miserable. It can come from supervisors or people who are senior enough that they have a say in your advancement. It doesn't have to consist of open threats since implied ones are just as effective. Generally workplace bullies are known entities, which is to say that everyone in the office knows who they are and that they are a problem but for various reasons the problem is never addressed or is not addressed adequately by the leadership so it festers like a cancer.

Yes.
__________________
BonosSaint is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2012, 09:38 AM   #87
Blue Crack Distributor
 
Headache in a Suitcase's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Stateless
Posts: 56,364
Local Time: 07:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by anitram View Post
Adult bullying certainly exists - it is just more fine-tuned than the children's version. So they're not stealing your lunch money and stuffing you in a locker, but they are doing other things that makes your existence at work completely miserable. It can come from supervisors or people who are senior enough that they have a say in your advancement. It doesn't have to consist of open threats since implied ones are just as effective. Generally workplace bullies are known entities, which is to say that everyone in the office knows who they are and that they are a problem but for various reasons the problem is never addressed or is not addressed adequately by the leadership so it festers like a cancer.

It is serious enough that there is legislation in a number of places now which addresses it. In Ontario it is officially called workplace harassment, but it's essentially bullying or what you'd consider to be classic bullying.
that doesn't really give examples...

are we merely talking about abuse of power? i don't quite put that in the same category as childhood bullying. nor do i consider bad parenting as "bullying," either.
__________________
Headache in a Suitcase is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2012, 10:33 AM   #88
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
mama cass's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 5,906
Local Time: 01:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Headache in a Suitcase View Post
that doesn't really give examples...

are we merely talking about abuse of power? i don't quite put that in the same category as childhood bullying. nor do i consider bad parenting as "bullying," either.
it's not just bad parenting - in my father's case, it was his personality - he had the personality of a bully, and he bullied people in all aspects of his life... he actually could never hold down a job long because of it either... and shot himself in the foot in all his social circles LOL
__________________
mama cass is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2012, 11:35 AM   #89
Blue Crack Addict
 
anitram's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: NY
Posts: 16,272
Local Time: 07:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Headache in a Suitcase

that doesn't really give examples...

are we merely talking about abuse of power? i don't quite put that in the same category as childhood bullying. nor do i consider bad parenting as "bullying," either.
Lots of examples - some I have witnessed:
- name-calling
- humiliation in front of others, things like being hung up on a conference call intentionally, person rolling their eyes at another person in a meeting, making derogatory remarks about you in front of a client (ie undercutting your authority)
- intimidating behavior - for example implying that you taking a sick day in the middle of a busy week will have repercussions
- sabotaging your performance by not giving you all the information you need or promising a work product to a client and not informing you on purpose

Not an abuse of power because none of these examples necessarily originate from a supervisor - could easily be someone on your level or even below.
__________________
anitram is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2012, 11:57 AM   #90
ONE
love, blood, life
 
Jive Turkey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 13,646
Local Time: 07:58 AM
See, I wouldn't call any of that bullying, because I don't believe it's age appropriate. What's wrong with calling it harassment? Or in Mama Cass' example, what's wrong with just saying he was an asshole (sorry )? If an adult came up to me and told me they were being bullied, my first reaction would probably be to laugh; not at the treatment, but at the language being used
__________________

__________________
Jive Turkey is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:58 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com