Bullying - What Can Be Done?

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Jive Turkey said:
How do you define 'tummy ache' and 'sore stomach'? I've never said they're different, but one phrase is more age appropriate than the other. But anyway, as I said, it's not really worth putting any more discussion into.
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There's numerous instances where it made people commit suicide. So even though the term might sound age-inappropriate, it might be worth taking more seriously what's behind.
 
The person doing the bullying in a workplace or anywhere else is the one who isn't acting like an adult, not the victim of it. So I think the world bully is entirely age appropriate, considering their behavior. There are plenty of adult bullies in this world, and workplace bullying is a legitimate term that exists.

I saw The Artist Friday and the trailer for Bully the documentary was shown, just the trailer was pretty emotional. They really need to do something so that movie can be seen by kids. Adults need to see it too. They should NOT censor the language, yes..talk about a grotesque irony. It does remind me of censoring the 9/11 documentaries for language. Completely ridiculous.
 
I think there is bullying in the work place. I think adults are capable of bullying. I think cyber-bullying is a form of bullying and adults participate in that. Ganging up is a form of bullying. I have seen occasional bullying in this forum.

There was an article in my local paper about a large judgment because of workplace bullying

California physician assistant wins $168 million in bullying suit - latimes.com
 
Hey guys. I think I may have dealt with several episodes of workplace bullying at my last job.

During my 18 months there, my boss at the time was the most unprofessional manager that I've ever come across. She would always raise her voice at me and give me dirty looks. She would also rudely criticize and scrutinize everything that I did.

Worse, she would say to me the most hurtful things:

"I don't care what you did at your last job"
"I don't like your personality"
"I don't have any confidence in you"
"I don't know why you have to be different from us"
"It's too exhausting to deal with you"

Needless to say, she eventually fired me.

Do you guys think I deserved to be treated like that?
 
My work is pretty much irrelevant.

I can't think of one boss who would tell one of his or her subordinates "I don't like your personality".

That's pretty unprofessional if you ask me. Especially if everyone at my job really liked working with me.
 
Your work has everything to do with it. Depending on your behaviour and productivity, that is maybe the only quote that might be a little off side. Me thinks you're being a little bit sensitive
 
Bullying is a complex situation. Kids taunt each other in school and that is natural but the extremes to which some kids take it should never be allowed. Punishing it may work at a young age, but in my experience punishing an adult for bullying does not work. The behavior should not be allowed or tolerated in the first place. Ignoring it will usually cause it to escalate, not make it better. When it comes to kids, the best option is to take the kid and work through it (if you have the means) and get them to express themselves in more appropriate ways.

I was never taunted too badly in school, mostly because I stayed out of the way and never made myself a target. However I did experience some bullying in my adult life on an internet forum. My childhood of respectful encounters actually helped me to deal with the situation, because I already knew that people like that were not worth attention. In my childhood, those people were looked down on and never got anywhere. So that's how I viewed them and dealt with it.

Bullying, IMHO becomes a habit because kids don't know how else to feel important. It will continue into adulthood if it is ignored. They need to find better ways to boost their self esteem and that kind of skill building starts in elementary school.

A contrasting perspective, my fiance was bullied rather horrifically her entire life. She is extremely sensitive because of it. Nobody ever babied her. Her dad always told her to "just deal with it and get over it". She can't, it's just not in her nature. She did ignore it, but ultimately it did have an effect on her by making her even more sensitive. She's living proof that "let the kids deal with it, they're just being babied too much today" does not work at all.

She lost her trust in authority figures after watching them allow other kids to do terrible things to her. One of the things I will never forget is when she told me that she stopped trusting adults by 4th grade because she knew they couldn't protect her. There needs to be a balance. You need to give kids a chance to fend for themselves, and let them have their tolerance pushed, but you also need to know when it's time to step in and say "Enough".

At their core, bullies are people who trip on power. They like to have control over other people. Ignoring them just means they'll go find someone else to abuse--someone who is less strong than you. You need to start from an early age and teach them that there are better ways to get what they want and better ways to "find power".
 
Jive Turkey said:
Your work has everything to do with it. Depending on your behaviour and productivity, that is maybe the only quote that might be a little off side. Me thinks you're being a little bit sensitive
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I disagree. Irregardless of the quality of one's performance, above quotes are unacceptable. If you are a superior and you want to tell one of your employees that their work is not according to standard, or the way they work doesn't fit in with how the others work, then you sit down, have a talk, name reasons and examples etc. and give advice or suggestions how the person could improve on those points.

Bullying is just this. Snide remarks every now and then, these small needle pinches that may come at any moment.
 
Jive Turkey said:
.
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I'm wondering how fluent your German would be?

I get being the grammar police, but come on, it's incredible that we have international posters who speak English this well and are able to engage with us without having to shame them for types of errors that a good chunk of native speakers would make.

Just my $0.02....
 
moiph said:
Bullying, IMHO becomes a habit because kids don't know how else to feel important. It will continue into adulthood if it is ignored. They need to find better ways to boost their self esteem and that kind of skill building starts in elementary school.
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This is the conventional wisdom, but I read a report somewhere recently (sorry, I can't recall the source :reject: ) that found that kids with good self esteem can be just as likely to bully as those with low self esteem. Some bullies, actually feel pretty damn good about themselves.

I think it is sometimes more complicated than mere self-esteem. The human capacity for cruelty, particularly towards the weak, is truly sad. I think perhaps bullying has as much to do with power differentials as anything else. Some people recognize those that are weaker, don't fit in etc and choose to be kind, others see as it as an opportunity to throw their power around for their own amusement.
 
maycocksean said:
I think it is sometimes more complicated than mere self-esteem. The human capacity for cruelty, particularly towards the weak, is truly sad. I think perhaps bullying has as much to do with power differentials as anything else. Some people recognize those that are weaker, don't fit in etc and choose to be kind, others see as it as an opportunity to throw their power around for their own amusement.
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I agree. I think lack of empathy is also a big factor.
 
maycocksean said:
This is the conventional wisdom, but I read a report somewhere recently (sorry, I can't recall the source :reject: ) that found that kids with good self esteem can be just as likely to bully as those with low self esteem. Some bullies, actually feel pretty damn good about themselves.

I think it is sometimes more complicated than mere self-esteem. The human capacity for cruelty, particularly towards the weak, is truly sad. I think perhaps bullying has as much to do with power differentials as anything else. Some people recognize those that are weaker, don't fit in etc and choose to be kind, others see as it as an opportunity to throw their power around for their own amusement.
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I think it's a combination. There will always be kids who will never feel guilty about hurting other people. Then there are kids who do it for power (maybe not out of low self esteem, but to be more powerful). Taking the power away from them means no longer enabling the behavior.

The way I see it, kids will call each other names like poop face, stupid, etc. They're gonna get into playground brawls and make fun of what other kids like. But when the attacks start to get personal and result in serious emotional harm to the victim, adults need to do something about it.
 
anitram said:
I'm wondering how fluent your German would be?

I get being the grammar police, but come on, it's incredible that we have international posters who speak English this well and are able to engage with us without having to shame them for types of errors that a good chunk of native speakers would make.

Just my $0.02....
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Irregardless, I just didn't feel like responding to something completely opinion based. But point taken. I don't know everyone's nationalities off hand. That was some jersey shore shit though. And for the record, I like VV because he posts in the photo thread. He probably knows I wasn't being a complete dick
 
Vincent Vega said:
I disagree. Irregardless of the quality of one's performance, above quotes are unacceptable. If you are a superior and you want to tell one of your employees that their work is not according to standard, or the way they work doesn't fit in with how the others work, then you sit down, have a talk, name reasons and examples etc. and give advice or suggestions how the person could improve on those points.

Bullying is just this. Snide remarks every now and then, these small needle pinches that may come at any moment.
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My boss didn't believe in talking things out. Rather, she believed in verbal discipline.:reject:
 
since all i have to go on is what you've posted in here, i say you were bullied. or you were a really bad employee. or possibly somewhere in between the two. it's hard to tell since i don't know what you did for a living or anything. i can understand you not wanting to tell us your private info but on the other hand, you did come in here and ask for advice. :shrug:

like i said, just going by what's been said, all i can assume is the more likely scenario - not that you were some awful employee, but also not that your boss was a bully, but somewhere in between. that your working style didn't mesh with hers (which has happened to me too, i've had bosses want to micromanage me which is annoying) and she had a knack of saying things before she thought them through. whether she tried to make it work and was nicer (or whether you did, of course) earlier on i have no idea, maybe at the end she just got tired and frustrated. maybe she wasn't even frustrated at you, but her boss was hassling her over budget crap and she was afraid her department might get drastically cut, or cut completely. it doesn't excuse what she said, but depending on the context and everything, it might just be a frustrated boss, or it might be bullying. i don't know.
 
If one is in a customer service role, and/or one is an insufferable prick, then questioning of one's personality is certainly something a boss can do.

As what was said earlier... I can see all of those things that were said as being bullying, and I can see all of those things as a valid job evaluation.

If you suck at your job, and the boss tells you you suck at your job? That's not bullying. That's life. If the boss tells you you're a little dicked, incompetent asshole for no apparent reason... that's bullying.

If you were harassed and then terminated without cause, most people would have a very strong wrongful termination suit.
 
Jive Turkey said:
Irregardless, I just didn't feel like responding to something completely opinion based. But point taken. I don't know everyone's nationalities off hand. That was some jersey shore shit though. And for the record, I like VV because he posts in the photo thread. He probably knows I wasn't being a complete dick
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As compared to your well-researched, facts-based posts about bullying and harassment.

Guess we keep it at posting pictures then.

Thanks anitram. I genuinely thought the word existed. :)
 
Vincent Vega said:
As compared to your well-researched, facts-based posts about bullying and harassment.
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Did I say somewhere that I was giving researched, fact based arguments? How does one go about researching their own opinion on something like this? You clearly didn't understand my point. I have an opinion and you have a differing opinion. I think some people are being over sensitive and thin skinned, you don't. There is nothing further to discuss

Vincent Vega said:
Guess we keep it at posting pictures then.
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If you're going to misread everything I post and get all upset, then ya, that's cool
 
I realize I should've posted more of the back story regarding the relationship between myself and my boss. However, it's a LONG story spanning over 18 months.

KhanadaRhodes said:
like i said, just going by what's been said, all i can assume is the more likely scenario - not that you were some awful employee, but also not that your boss was a bully, but somewhere in between. that your working style didn't mesh with hers (which has happened to me too, i've had bosses want to micromanage me which is annoying) and she had a knack of saying things before she thought them through. whether she tried to make it work and was nicer (or whether you did, of course) earlier on i have no idea, maybe at the end she just got tired and frustrated. maybe she wasn't even frustrated at you, but her boss was hassling her over budget crap and she was afraid her department might get drastically cut, or cut completely. it doesn't excuse what she said, but depending on the context and everything, it might just be a frustrated boss, or it might be bullying. i don't know.
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That's my conclusion. She was a micromanager, and my work habits didn't compliment her vision of the ideal employee.

However, as VV stated, my boss could've had a constructive converstion with me, or simply let me go. Instead, she kept me around for 18 months, and spend the entire time tearing me down.

Headache in a Suitcase said:
If one is in a customer service role, and/or one is an insufferable prick, then questioning of one's personality is certainly something a boss can do.

As what was said earlier... I can see all of those things that were said as being bullying, and I can see all of those things as a valid job evaluation.

If you suck at your job, and the boss tells you you suck at your job? That's not bullying. That's life. If the boss tells you you're a little dicked, incompetent asshole for no apparent reason... that's bullying.

If you were harassed and then terminated without cause, most people would have a very strong wrongful termination suit.
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For starters, I wasn't in customer service. I was in chemical engineering. And I have a boatload of references from previous jobs.

Personally, a boss coming out and literally saying "I can't believe I hired you" to your face is the very epitome of childishness and rudeness, especially if your boss is a departmental director.

If my boss was dissatisfied with my performances, then she should've let me go within 3-6 months of my employment, rather than keep me around and continually harbor ill-will towards me. Seriously, she had it in for me the entire time I was with the company.

Even if I tried to sue for wrongful termination, she would've fabricated some type of justification, because she had a bunch of yes men up her butt.
 
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