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Old 10-30-2011, 06:16 PM   #16
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Old 10-30-2011, 06:18 PM   #17
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But I truly don't think bullying would ever go away. It seems there is some sort of mission to end it once and for all. That sounds naive and silly to me because there will always be that one bully, that one group of kids who go along with him or her to avoid being taunted, that one kid who is taunted, and the one school who turns a blind eye to it all.
So with that being the case, we shouldn't do anything at all to try to make things better?

That's what I take from your post.
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Old 10-30-2011, 06:59 PM   #18
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So with that being the case, we shouldn't do anything at all to try to make things better?

That's what I take from your post.
No, I do think we should try to make things better. I think I am just cynical because growing up I was always the one who was bullied, and no teacher, principal or any adult did anything about it, no matter how often I complained.

I think what needs to be done is teach not only empathy to children and teenagers, but also confidence to those who are bullied. The reason why I was picked on was because I suffered from social anxiety and severely lacked confidence. Anyone could walk all over me and it was difficult for me to stand up for myself. And the worst thing was, I was blamed for my problems and the bullying.

So I believe those who are bullied need to be taught confidence and how to assert themselves. And also, teach confidence to those who are doing the bullying because they do it out of severe insecurity themselves. Teach them to believe they are worth it, not to horribly jealous, etc.
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Old 10-30-2011, 07:53 PM   #19
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Kids need to be taught that it's OK to defend themselves. You can teach sensitivity and all kinds of other things, but it's still human nature to pick on the ones who seem weak or timid. So teach the weak and timid ones to not be afraid to fight back. Take it from me, nothing is more shocking to an arrogant jerk or a bitchy cheerleader than when the "quiet one" is suddenly in their face telling them off.
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Old 10-30-2011, 07:59 PM   #20
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Nice video, Reposty Magoo
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Old 10-30-2011, 08:30 PM   #21
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No, I do think we should try to make things better. I think I am just cynical because growing up I was always the one who was bullied, and no teacher, principal or any adult did anything about it, no matter how often I complained.

I think what needs to be done is teach not only empathy to children and teenagers, but also confidence to those who are bullied. The reason why I was picked on was because I suffered from social anxiety and severely lacked confidence. Anyone could walk all over me and it was difficult for me to stand up for myself. And the worst thing was, I was blamed for my problems and the bullying.

So I believe those who are bullied need to be taught confidence and how to assert themselves. And also, teach confidence to those who are doing the bullying because they do it out of severe insecurity themselves. Teach them to believe they are worth it, not to horribly jealous, etc.
Fair enough.

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Nice video, Reposty Magoo
Oops. I didn't notice that VP also posted the video. Sorry.

And, really, is name calling necessary?
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Old 10-30-2011, 10:56 PM   #22
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Kids need to be taught that it's OK to defend themselves. You can teach sensitivity and all kinds of other things, but it's still human nature to pick on the ones who seem weak or timid. So teach the weak and timid ones to not be afraid to fight back. Take it from me, nothing is more shocking to an arrogant jerk or a bitchy cheerleader than when the "quiet one" is suddenly in their face telling them off.


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Old 10-30-2011, 11:09 PM   #23
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I'm bothered by the looseness with which the term 'bullying' is often used, amidst all the public attention it's been getting lately. Sometimes people seem to be using it as a catchall for 'any deliberate behavior that hurts others.' I think that's way too broad, not because I doubt that intentionally hurting others always warrants a response, but because the social and psychological dynamics involved can be so varied and therefore the responses must be also. An exceptionally aggressive and sadistic child who as a matter of course goes around selecting and stalking targets seems to me like quite a different situation from kids emboldened by the power of the group sporadically unleashing aggressions they wouldn't have on their own, for example.

As far as unhelpful parents and teachers go, I always had the impression the most common obstacle to their effectively addressing bullying is simply that they often don't grasp what's going on; there's only so much of the social dynamics between kids they can observe. Even other kids are often unaware a classmate is being tormented until they happen to witness some specific incident, and when they do, very often they say nothing to anyone, for various reasons (afraid of becoming a target themselves, figuring involving an adult might make the bullied kid feel even more humiliated, sticking up for their friends etc.). And of course kids who are perpetrating bullying, harassment, or other aggressive behaviors don't go around telling adults about it, and will often lie when asked directly.
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Old 10-30-2011, 11:12 PM   #24
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Also, I suspect you won't see many schoolteachers giving a thumbs-up to the "fight back" philosophy, due of the number of fights and injuries they've seen caused by kids who took from that an entitlement to avenge themselves. I realize some of you were probably more talking about verbally standing up for yourself (or a peer who's being picked on, for that matter) in response to verbal taunts, but there can be a pretty big difference, both psychologically and consequentially, between that and "fighting back."
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Old 10-30-2011, 11:51 PM   #25
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Are these really examples of bullying?
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Old 10-31-2011, 12:15 AM   #26
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On the top story I know for sure because that's been all over the news. The kid was bullied for being fat by MANY students and the little kid just joined in and got what he deserved. Some people learn the golden rule the hard way. He complained later that he did it because he was bullied too which got no sympathy from the general public. The bottom one just looks like it. It helps that the bottom video has a guy who is actually patient and only hit when he had to. I know I wouldn't have that much patience. I would have gotten a baseball bat.
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Old 10-31-2011, 03:34 AM   #27
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As a victim of bullying during my school years, I appreciate and am glad that this thread was started to draw more attention to the issue, so I'd like to thank the OP for that.

In my experience, one of the main reasons teachers didn't help with the issue was simply because they didn't take bullying seriously, probably because it involved kids and probably because most of it was non-physical. I can clearly remember complaining to the teacher once for being made fun of, back in 2nd or 3rd grade, and she told me that "Just tell them that 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me'". I just walked away because I didn't know what else to say, or didn't know how to express myself any further.

The other main reason, in my experience, was that some kids, certainly me, had no idea what it meant to defend oneself, or how to get help, or how to complain and get your voice heard. For me, telling my parents was really hard also, because it would be embarrassing. Also, as a kid never really having experienced what it's like to have a normal social life, often times I would internalize and try to brush it off thinking that this is a fact of life. If I was really saddened or depressed by something, I would just wait it out until I feel better. Not knowing any better, and not being mature enough to talk about my feelings were certainly problems (like in the example I gave above).

It might be different for everyone, but I thought I'd share how it was from my perspective, and hopefully it helps with the discussion. Thanks again to everyone for drawing attention to the issue.
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Old 10-31-2011, 03:41 AM   #28
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And I speak - with great bravery - as someone who was bullied both at school and in the workplace, and is still healing from those scars.


Wow, when I made my post above, I didn't realize that you and I were in the same boat.
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Old 10-31-2011, 07:18 AM   #29
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The bottom one just looks like it. It helps that the bottom video has a guy who is actually patient and only hit when he had to. I know I wouldn't have that much patience. I would have gotten a baseball bat.
You can't tell if it's bullying from this video. And his patience just shows to me that he's had some formal training and he's disciplined.
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Old 10-31-2011, 10:25 AM   #30
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Derren Brown has just done a really interesting show on this, bullying and mob mentality - here's a link, the "bullying" thing starts at 7.40 min, but the first part is fascinating too!

Derren Brown - The Experiments: The Gameshow (Full) - YouTube
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