Baby refuseniks

[martha]

If I don't care, will she just go away?

 

[financeguy]

As a species our prime directive is to procreate and evolve.

 

[corianderstem]

I find it hard to judge anyone's reasons for not wanting to procreate, no matter how shallow the reason might seem.

Hey hey, shout out to ladies exercising their reproductive freedoms!

 

[martha]

I find it hard to judge anyone's reasons for not wanting to procreate, no matter how shallow the reason might seem.

Hey hey, shout out to ladies exercising their reproductive freedoms!

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I just wish men could get pregnant and had to face all that judgment. Hahahahaha

I don't like Jillian Michaels all that much either but maybe plenty of women feel that way and they just don't say it because it's so taboo

 

[coolian2]

I just wish men could get pregnant and had to face all that judgment.

do you mean judgement as in understanding why women would have the attitude of not wanting to have children?

 

[financeguy]

I just wish men could get pregnant and had to face all that judgment. Hahaha

The 'Doting Daddy Brain'

A man in hot pursuit of a mate doesn't even remotely resemble a devoted, doting daddy. But that's what his future holds. When his mate becomes pregnant, she'll emit pheromones that will waft into his nostrils, stimulating his brain to make more of a hormone called prolactin. Her pheromones will also cause his testosterone production to drop by 30 percent.

These hormonal changes make him more likely to help with the baby. They also change his perceptual circuitry, increasing his ability to hear a baby cry, something many men can't do very well before their wives are pregnant.

And a word to the wise for all the young mothers who are reluctant to let your husbands hold and care for your newborn. The more hands-on care a father gives his infant, the more his brain aligns with the role of fatherhood. So, hand over the baby.

Love, sex and the male brain - CNN.com

 

[yolland]

I've had three kids and still wear the same clothing size I did in high school. (Though perhaps my body is "ruined" in some other way I'm sadly unaware of?) If someone feels called to adoption as her path to parenthood, and can afford the time and money to go through that process, then wonderful, by all means do so...but, it ain't that hard to stay fit.

 

[AliEnvy]

Frankly we should all be thankful that Jillian's - or anyone else who makes a similar decision - level of vanity will not be passed on in the gene pool.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Well it is how Jillian makes a living, so from that perspective is it as vain? Men are plenty vain too- the significant difference being, obviously, that their bodies don't change by having children. Unless you have so called sympathetic pregnancies or a guy just "letting himself go" after he's a father.

It isn't easy at all for all women to stay fit after having a baby, everyone's body and experience is different so how can anyone judge just from their own experience? She had a previous weight struggle too, if you've never had that you can't really out yourself in the same position.

 

[Liesje]

I haven't had kids but my mom always said she was in the best shape after she had my brother (second). My good friend who has been pregnant 3 times (2 kids) lost some weight and looks amazing.

Personally I would have just said "I plan to adopt" and left it at that. I really isn't anyone's business why or why not.

 

[martha]

Unless one is an attention whore reality show person.

 

[yolland]

It isn't easy at all for all women to stay fit after having a baby, everyone's body and experience is different so how can anyone judge just from their own experience? She had a previous weight struggle too, if you've never had that you can't really out yourself in the same position.

I appreciate your sensitivity to the image pressures she may feel under, but I really think your sympathies are misplaced here. She was speaking publically as a prominent female personal trainer, someone many women would perceive as an inspiration and role model for women's fitness. What kind of message does it therefore send when she portrays pregnancy, a normal healthy function of the female body, as a kiss-your-hawtness-goodbye ordeal to be dreaded and--if you really care about your bod, like her--avoided? (And for that matter, what message might her future adopted daughter, should she have one, take from that?)

As a private individual, she of course can and will do whatever she wants, for whatever reasons she wants. But I'm with Lies here--she should've thought ahead about the implications of a women's fitness professional of her stature publically saying something like that. And I'll reiterate: it simply is not that hard to get back in shape after having a baby if one truly makes it a priority, that you'd need to go to the extreme of adopting instead or else be 'doomed' to be overweight or unfit for the rest of your life. (And--it should go without saying--if the reality is that it's not truly a priority, then listen to what the gap between the supposed ideal and the actions taken towards it are telling you, accept and be at peace at that, and don't waste time and energy beating yourself up over things which have no moral significance.)

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I don't really have any sympathies so I don't think they're misplaced. I merely have sympathies for anyone who is judged for not having children, for whatever the reasons are. She's not someone I would look to for fitness advice, considering what is alleged to go on on that show and the questions about her supplements.

Not everyone has the financial and situational means to make fitness their biggest priority when they have babies-there are single mothers, there are kids with autism and other issues, there are other issues. I never said it was morally significant, so I don't know where that comes from. The fact is that some mothers do beat themselves up because of the pressure to bounce back into shape, but I won't judge their priorities because they do that either.

 

[indra]

Even from a purely marketing standpoint it seems like a boneheaded thing to say. Isn't it likely that many of Michaels' customers are women who have had children? If she feels pregnancy ruins a woman's body, why would women who have children feel confident that use of her methods or products would help them?

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Maybe all of the working out and eating a certain way just went to her brain She said "I can't handle doing that to my body", not that it would ruin it. If she thinks it would ruin it for all eternity well that's probably just about her internal struggles and fears about weight. Maybe somehow she believes that the women who would buy her products will never be in the shape she's in (and how many will be, if you can be then you really don't need her products) so from that point of view it doesn't matter. She's selling fantasy in some ways.

I'm not saying she's any sort of genius or role model or anything of the sort. I just found the comments about any woman saying something like that publicly to be interesting. Clearly she's not representative of many women, all women, etc.

 

[Liesje]

To be fair, I know plenty of women and peers who aren't having kids because it would interrupt their professional lives. I'd probably have a baby right now if I didn't need to work and keep my job. I guess given her profession it's really not any different. She should not be judged for not having babies because she is already rich and can. You don't have babies just because you can. But I still think it was a weird thing for her to say or try to justify publicly. I really don't know who she is or anything about her so maybe I'm giving her too much credit, but I still don't feel *anyone* else's reproductive choices are my business. Maybe she just doesn't want to have a kid and felt she had to make up some lame excuse. Still none of my business.

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

maintaining a weight is easier than losing it. maybe she's afraid she won't be able to get skinny again? though i do have to give her kudos for saying she'd adopt.

 

[Irvine511]

as more and more of my friends have kids, i become more and more completely fascinated with their children and love meeting them.

but the idea of having my own -- likely through adoption, whoo! glad i won't be ruining my figure -- is still terrifying.

 

[AliEnvy]

You don't have babies just because you can.

Nor do you adopt just because you don't want to "do that" to your body with pregnancy.

Her profession? Yeah, Yolland said it well -

She was speaking publically as a prominent female personal trainer, someone many women would perceive as an inspiration and role model for women's fitness. What kind of message does it therefore send when she portrays pregnancy, a normal healthy function of the female body, as a kiss-your-hawtness-goodbye ordeal to be dreaded and--if you really care about your bod, like her--avoided? (And for that matter, what message might her future adopted daughter, should she have one, take from that?)

Indra also made a good point about how she's now alienated a good chunk of her client base.

Any concern that she makes her living with her body is bullshit. She would make a FORTUNE marketing her own pregnancy, childbirth and post-pregnancy routines as the explosion of millenials are heading into their baby years.

She's just plain vain to a high degree. I have no issue bitch-slapping her for that.

 

[Liesje]

Vain....sure, but I still don't see the big deal. I plan on adopting because I just don't want to go through a pregnancy and birth when there are plenty of babies that already need families. What does that make me? Selfish and lazy?

 

[AliEnvy]

Vain....sure, but I still don't see the big deal. I plan on adopting because I just don't want to go through a pregnancy and birth when there are plenty of babies that already need families. What does that make me? Selfish and lazy?

I'd say that's a very different basis for making a decision with the same outcome (adoption over pregnancy). And I have a hard time believing you wouldn't see the difference.

 

[Liesje]

I guess the only difference I see is that she is rich and famous and we are not. I don't see why anyone feels they can judge her decision or even cares. Maybe she is a vain person and I do think that she could gain a huge niche of women looking to get fit after having a baby but it's really her own decision. My own reasons for not having a baby right now are pretty similar - it would be stupid career-wise and I just don't want to be pregnant and give birth (I'm put off by the physical aspects of it, not the outcome of becoming a parent to a baby). Any healthy woman of childbearing age must also have a reason for not getting pregnant, why is her reason or my reason any better or worse than anyone else's? Let the bitch-slapping of my vanity ensue...

 

[deep]

Fuck all of you. I had TWO dreams about having kids in the past week. In the first one, my friend brought my son back from day care and I had forgotten that I had a kid. In the second one, the kid was about six months old, I didn't know his name, and was about to change his diaper for the first time (others had done it before).



Don't make me have babies. Won't somebody think of the children?

I've had pregnancy dreams too. Haven't gotten pregnant yet It's like dreaming of death. It's not symbolic of death itself, but generally new beginnings.

These are: NBEs (not to be confused with NDEs)

Near Birth Experiences - the almighty has lifted the veil so you can see his true plans for you.
Your mission is to go forth and share your experience, that birthing is greatest gift of all.

NBEs are strongly debated. Some pin the mechanisms on physical or psychological reasons, while others see a transcendental force.

 

[Diemen]

Well played, deep.

 

[corianderstem]

Any healthy woman of childbearing age must also have a reason for not getting pregnant, why is her reason or my reason any better or worse than anyone else's?

I'm with you on this one.

 

[financeguy]

The prime directive of both genders of the species is to breed.

 

[corianderstem]

Ah yes, but we were all also given free will.

And then science magic gave us birth control.

Spoiler

Fuckin' condoms, how do they work?!

 

[anitram]

I'm not even sure why this seems to be a contentious discussion at all. I don't even know who this woman is but even if I did, who cares why she does or doesn't want to get pregnant?

 

[financeguy]

Ah yes, but we were all also given free will.

What is free will?