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Old 11-30-2011, 08:06 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by canedge View Post
I didn't realize maycocksean was male and yes that does change the connotation of the posts. I apologize to him. And I don't think that rape, as it is discussed in internet forums, should be taken that seriously. The internet is not the problem venue to discuss something such as this.

Sometimes I think that word is used for dramatic impact is very loaded and offensive. That is all I am saying.
The fact that the connotation of the posts would change based on his gender is offensive to me, as a woman. For the record, rape should always be taken seriously, wherever it is discussed.

Maycocksean, I think it is admirable that you were concerned when you saw this situation. There are far too many that wouldn't give it a second thought!

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Old 11-30-2011, 08:06 PM   #47
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Your user name is Sean...

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Old 11-30-2011, 08:13 PM   #48
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^To me that clearly would suggest male. . .but maybe he didn't read my username that way?
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Old 11-30-2011, 08:43 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by maycocksean
I find it interesting that candedge's assessment of my take on the situation would change so much based on my gender.

Had I been a woman I would have deserved the ribbing, but as a man I deserve an apology? I think that's worth unpacking.
Combined with some other posts, it's very telling isn't it?
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Old 12-01-2011, 11:36 AM   #50
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^Fraid so.
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Old 12-01-2011, 12:24 PM   #51
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anyway, back on topic, where i went to college, the laws of the state were such that if a woman had consumed even a single drink she was legally unable to consent to sexual activity. this did not apply to men because he was in possession of the "weapon" used to commit the crime.

this seemed stupid to me, not to mention heteronormative and incredibly patronizing to women.

but it also seemed to want to address some very difficult questions.

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Old 12-01-2011, 02:21 PM   #52
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Well, the obvious strike against it is that it's going to be completely ignored by everyone far too often to be fairly called enforceable. By that definition probably 85% of women, me included, have had (oops, I mean been subjected to) 'clear cut' nonconsensual sex.

If I had to defend it, I guess I'd offer that A) it seems intended as much for men's protection as for women's, and B) it's at least an attempt to impose some kind of concrete interpretive framework on the area where most people agree legitimate (yet grave) misunderstandings are most likely to occur. The fact that our culture (still) broadly tends to automatically assign the sexual initiator/'manager' role to men does create negotiation problems for both sexes--women don't come equipped with flashing 50-ft. neon signs clarifying the difference between a silence that means "I want this, but I'm feeling a little shy and unsure how you'd like it" (or even, "I think it'd be a huge turn-on if you did the cliched, torrid-show-of-overwhelming-passion thing right now"), vs. a silence that means "I had wanted this, but now that you've abruptly switched gears from being affectionate, gentle and respectful to being pushy, overbearing and aggressively presumptuous, I'm rapidly changing my mind." Add to that the difficulties alcohol can introduce with grasping a linear progression of events (drunken amorousness isn't necessarily strategic) and you've got a pretty good recipe for communication trouble. Particularly with someone you don't know well, it's always a good idea to directly, repeatedly and sincerely ask; and realistically, if you need to in the first place to be 100% clear on the answer, chances are she's already feeling a bit awkward anyway (which isn't necessarily anyone's 'fault'), so relax, this'll just make two of you. But a hard-and-fast one-drink rule--yeah, not practical.

I would add something like "And don't allow yourself to be outright drunk while alone with people you don't fully trust" (as a general point really, not specific to sex), but, since I've witnessed firsthand that people can't always count on their (drunk) best buddies to help them even when they're passed out in their own vomit, unfortunately that one's probably a lost cause.

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