50% of Men Would Dump Girlfriend for Getting Fat - Page 3 - U2 Feedback

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Old 07-27-2011, 08:21 PM   #31
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Obsession with body figure issues seems to be one the very many pathologies that are by-products of hypercapitalist societies.
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Old 07-28-2011, 05:06 AM   #32
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and speaking of obsession of body figures, a certain UK paper is constantly slamming women for being thin/fat/over 30 years old, etc.

I see it everyday.

nothing about men,

all about women.


would make you almost feel guilty for exisiting...
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Old 07-28-2011, 08:04 AM   #33
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The issue is not really your partner being fat, it's your partner being fat after maintaining a healthy lifestyle previously in the relationship.
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Old 07-28-2011, 09:18 AM   #34
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Well that's the way relationships go. Your partner becoming seriously ill after previously being healthy. Your partner becoming unemployed after previously being employed. Your partner becoming disfigured in a car accident after previously being good looking. Your partner suffering from depression after previously not.

One can argue about issues as far as how much control someone has over circumstance and things such as weight. But doesn't it all ultimately come down to commitment and what you are willing to do or to "tolerate" to stay in a relationship and to make it work? To help a person through xyz?

Unless you're genetically gifted and/or able to afford a personal chef, plastic surgery, personal trainer, enough free time and the will to exercise..well time marches on and it gets much tougher to even maintain. If someone is going to dump you because you get what they consider to be "fat"(and that can be subjective based upon individual standards) just for esthetic reasons and not any underlying issues, maybe there wasn't much of a relationship to begin with and maybe it's not worth saving anyway.

I certainly get that physical attraction is a big part of it, it would be silly to deny that. But so is attraction that is supposed to be based upon deeper things.
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Old 07-28-2011, 10:49 AM   #35
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Well that's the way relationships go. Your partner becoming seriously ill after previously being healthy. Your partner becoming unemployed after previously being employed. Your partner becoming disfigured in a car accident after previously being good looking. Your partner suffering from depression after previously not.
I agree with you to a point, but I would argue that slowly becoming obese in a long-term relationship is a sign of complacency and lack of desire to consistently "work on" the relationship. It's no different than a woman saying her partner doesn't say "I love you" enough anymore or "We don't go on dates, you don't make me feel special" anymore. Becoming unemployed, suffering a car accident, or depression are serious things that are many times unexpected and out of our control.

Jogging twice a week to stay in okay shape is something that is within the control of the majority of people.

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I certainly get that physical attraction is a big part of it, it would be silly to deny that. But so is attraction that is supposed to be based upon deeper things.
And it is based on deeper things. But it's hard for a relationship to have real legs if there is no long-term sexual attraction because eventually one of the two partners will likely look elsewhere for sexual satisfaction.
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Old 07-28-2011, 02:24 PM   #36
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i think, over time, physical attraction becomes less important, people age, gain weight naturally, and i think leaving your partner because they are suddenly 50 is much less understandable than leaving a partner because they gain a large amount of weight in a short amount of time and are unwilling to try to address the issue.

again, we are talking about a lifestyle issue, not a health issue (i.e., pituitary problems), and where a lifestyle issue becomes a health issue.

of course, we are talking about a "girlfriend" in the article -- not a spouse or partner where there is a written, legal commitment, an especially if there were children involved.

you try telling your kids you divorced mom because she got fat.

of course, we'd understand if you divorced mom if she was an alcoholic. might food addiction be any different? serious question.
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Old 07-28-2011, 05:03 PM   #37
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this is a dilemma, with some very weighty issues involved

with difficult questions like this, I, along with others, often turn to experts for their advice.



this man wants to leave his wife, (I am not sure of her size)
but he is decent enough that he will still "date" her.



She has decided to consult an expert.

Quote:
Husband wants to leave wife, then date her

Ask Amy

July 28, 2011
Advertisement


Dear Amy: My dear husband of 30 years stated out of nowhere that our marriage was over. I asked why he was leaving, and he said he wanted a life like his single male friend has!

We were both very fortunate to have made good investments, so he was able to retire in his early 50s with very little to keep him busy. He frequents social clubs in our town on a daily basis.

I am involved with all sorts of outside activities.

He is an only child and likes his time to himself, and I have given him that over the years. He says he wants to move out and try life on his own. He feels there must be more to life than what we have together.

I have come up with loads of ideas to try and nothing interests him. He says there is no one else, and I trust there isn't.

Instead of renting an apartment and trying this trial separation for six months, he's already purchased a condo and will not be taking anything from our home except his personal things so as not to upset things here.

He said he would like to "date" me.

I have pleaded with him to try to work on our marriage.

He says he feels this will probably be a big mistake but that he needs to do it "as an experiment." He says I have done nothing wrong.

Do you think it's a midlife crisis or another woman — and should I contact an attorney?

I am very sad and confused. For the first time in my life I do not know where to turn.

— Money but no Happiness
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Old 07-28-2011, 05:52 PM   #38
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I agree with you to a point, but I would argue that slowly becoming obese in a long-term relationship is a sign of complacency and lack of desire to consistently "work on" the relationship.
Or it's a sign of someone having underlying issues-that have to do with the relationship or don't. Or both. It's interesting what you said about not going on dates or not saying I love you, making you feel special. Because I think that could be a cause of someone "letting themselves go" physically. It all works together.
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Old 07-28-2011, 05:55 PM   #39
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of course, we'd understand if you divorced mom if she was an alcoholic. might food addiction be any different? serious question.
I think that's a good point. I think food addiction is very real, and that some people are food addicts at the same level that other people are alcoholics. So if that's the case, well it's much more complicated than "just get in shape and lose some weight".
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Old 07-28-2011, 08:13 PM   #40
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of course, we'd understand if you divorced mom if she was an alcoholic. might food addiction be any different?
If you're talking an actual clinical eating disorder, then no, I don't think it's dramatically different, because like alcoholics people with eating disorders frequently lie, withdraw from family and friends, are "not really there even when they are" because of obsessions, are highly self-destructive, strongly resist treatment, etc. But presumably most people who gradually become obese over years (which describes most obese people) wouldn't qualify as having a clinical eating disorder, just a mix of physical and mental bad habits that don't rise to the level of mental disorder.


But I think framing all this stuff in terms of "If you truly love your partner, you should/shouldn't care much if s/he gets pretty overweight" may be straitjacketing and not true to how priority-setting in committed relationships actually works. If staying attractive to (or attracted to) your longterm partner has come to feel like a threatening, burdensome or depressing chore, then there's probably more going on than your partner having unreasonable physical expectations (or taking your attraction for granted).
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Old 07-29-2011, 12:46 AM   #41
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But I think framing all this stuff in terms of "If you truly love your partner, you should/shouldn't care much if s/he gets pretty overweight" may be straitjacketing and not true to how priority-setting in committed relationships actually works.

yes, but then we wouldn't be able to reference a clearly authoritative poll in a magazine that's designed to get results that will just OUTRAGE women while toying with near universal insecurities.
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Old 07-29-2011, 09:40 AM   #42
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Over here you get dumped when you get older.
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Old 07-29-2011, 09:47 AM   #43
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Well of course that too

Everyone gets older, even men. If someone's going to dump you for a younger model just for that reason well I say good riddance
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Old 07-29-2011, 09:50 AM   #44
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LOL Im at that age where, well, yea, it will happen to me, ah well.

I think they dump for younger because sadly men are into visual more.
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Old 07-29-2011, 10:19 AM   #45
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Here's a CNN video taking a look at the study:

CNN.com - Breaking News, U.S., World, Weather, Entertainment & Video News
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