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Stunned would be a good word

Posted 02-17-2010 at 01:42 PM by BAW

When I was a little girl, I used to snoop around in my parent's stuff, knowing that if it was hidden from me, it had to be really interesting or really bad. My dad had an old suitcase full of papers, girly magazines and other boring stuff but under those papers and naked ladies, I found something really neat. It was a small, black photo album filled with black and white candid shots of my mom coming out of the bathroom with her hair in curlers, my uncles playing poker, my dad and his friends looking tough with slicked back hair and bottles of beer, my grandma not wanting her picture taken and of course, his firstborn child, me! Near the back, there were 2 photos of a woman I had never seen before. Very pretty with dark eyes and dark 60's style hair piled up high. I always used to wonder who she was but something told me that she was not a subject to bring up with my mom.

This photo album would come out every now and then, mainly when my dad had been drinking or when my parents were fighting and my dad would pack up to leave us. My mom threw it at him once and made a comment about his "girlfriend" but again, I never asked. It was grown-up business.

When my dad passed away, my stepmom gathered up some of his stuff to give to me and my sister and we were both shocked to see that he had somehow held on to that black photo album through 30 years of hard living and it was now ours to take home. I kept it, meaning to share it with my sister after I scanned the photos but somehow, I never got around to doing either.

Yesterday, I received a message on Facebook from a woman named Debbie, and it started with "you don't know me, but I had a child with your father back in 1970."

Wait...what??? My parents were married from 1966 to 1980, how could he have a child I didn't know about? As I continued reading her message, any doubt I had was totally gone. Everything added up. The dates, her story...it all rang true. She even remembered my name after 40 years. My dad was married to my mom, he left her for Debbie but eventually decided to go back to his family. She was pregnant, only 19, and married someone else to give her son a father. She didn't want to cause any more problems and never spoke to my dad again.

Her son Sean, my brother, is now 39 and recently decided to look for his birth father, my dad, only to discover he passed away in 2002 at age 55. That worried him so Debbie decided to set up a Facebook account and started searching for me. They mainly wanted to find out how he died and get some medical background info but Sean still wasn't aware that my sister and I existed. After our first email exchange, she finally told him the whole story and after being understandably freaked out, he said would eventually like to meet us.

Before I went to bed last night, I sat and looked at her profile picture and suddenly it hit me. There was sometime really familiar about her eyes and her smile. I had to search around a bit, but I found that black photo album and turned to the back pages, my heart pounding a mile a minute. I found the pictures of the pretty dark haired woman, pulled one out of the plastic sleeve, turned it over and there it was, written on the back, "Debbie 67"

Mystery solved.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Sicy's Avatar
    I'm so sorry Char. What terrible timing.
    permalink
    Posted 02-20-2010 at 01:24 PM by Sicy Sicy is offline
  2. Old Comment
    martha's Avatar
    Wow about the brother. And I'm so sorry about your Grandma.
    permalink
    Posted 02-20-2010 at 04:49 PM by martha martha is offline
  3. Old Comment
    kafrun's Avatar
    I'm sorry to hear about your grandma, and that it happened on your trip Take care.
    permalink
    Posted 02-20-2010 at 11:04 PM by kafrun kafrun is offline
  4. Old Comment
    U2Fanatic4ever's Avatar
    so so sorry for your loss Char! x infinity... what a hellish week for you... Life sure does test your sanity doesn't it? Hang in there! We are all here for ya!
    permalink
    Posted 02-20-2010 at 11:04 PM by U2Fanatic4ever U2Fanatic4ever is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Cleasai's Avatar
    Oh Charbaw I'm so sorry
    permalink
    Posted 02-21-2010 at 08:32 AM by Cleasai Cleasai is offline
  6. Old Comment
    redkat's Avatar
    wow.

    be gentle with your mom, even if she knows she may not be able to acknowledge it.
    permalink
    Posted 02-25-2010 at 11:27 PM by redkat redkat is offline
 

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